There's one thing sure about life, if nothing else..

There will always be people who will misunderstand you and inevitably hurt you.

You will also hurt people, intentionally or not.

This happens because we're humans. We're not perfect beings. We stumble and fall, make mistakes, and muddle our way through life.

All that television and movies does for us is open up this window, and looking in you see a perfect world, with people who look perfect, who are lovable in character, who we can identify with.

Why can't we make it our mission to identify with actual people who surround us, who we relate to on a daily basis?

Why is it so hard to connect with people? Is it our own fears, or is it because we believe they would not like it?

Truth be told, life is all about relationships, and when we lack or even possibly fail at them, we feel that void, we feel that life isn't worth living -- at least, for the moment,

Anyway...it's easy to get caught up in this sadness that life isn't the way we envisioned it would be.

But what we really should be doing is living our lives as fully and completely as we can.

It doesn't get much better than this.

Today this realization flooded over me: family is beautiful thing.
It binds us together for life, creating bonds that can't be broken, and that we must respect.
Our family know us more thoroughly and deeply than other people ever will.
They're the ones we cannot shake even though as times we may be desperate too.

It would appear that the more we accept family, and the more we embrace, the closer we are to them, and more meaningful our relationships can be.

Family is underrated and underestimated in our society. Friends have become more important.
But the fact is -- no one loves you like your family. That love surpasses rationale, and many crimes have been committed through history because of the intense love and loyalty that runs through the veins.

A Little Bit Of This...

and a little bit of that.

The this and that is my recent foray into the historical military movies.

I've been watching through Band Of Brothers for the first time, and so far am simultaneously moved, saddened, sickened, and almost...belittled by what I have seen.

Based on true events that occurred to America's Easy Company, 101st Airbourne, through their experiences during their drops in WWII.

The soundtrack is easily the most moving piece of music I have heard lately.

But I was talking to a friend earlier today, and he expressed disinterest and distaste for this genre of movies. Well, that's fine because we're all allowed our likes and dislikes, but I just think this --

I don't watch this stuff to laugh or be horrified at the gruesome occurrences. I watch so I won't forget the sacrifices that thousands of soldiers made for us...whether American, Canadian, or British. Their bravery puts me to shame, and I often wonder what I would do in situations like those.

Not only that, just living through the experiences of warfare was not the only difficult thing for the soldiers. They eventually had to return to a society of people who could not understand what they had lived through, the things they had done, and the things they had seen.

I never want to forget what people have done for freedom, I never want to minimize the sacrifices those soldiers made, I never want to push the unpleasantness to the far recesses of my mind.

If people can sit down and watch a slasher or horror movie without batting an eye, they should consider sitting down and watching a thought-provoking movie that has historical significance and that we can all learn from.

Take a minute today to reflect on the sacrifices people have made for you.

trace the lines
running from your eyes to cheeks

dot the dots
covering arms and legs

smooth the skin
crinkling over flesh and blood

embrace the body
aging as the time flies by

love who you are
how you are
wherever you are.

Scattered

It's odd how some songs stick with you forever, and every time you listen to them you think of one night, one occurrence, that is so clearly detailed into your mind. Here's my most recent one:



Collide - Howie Day

The dawn is breaking
A light shining through
You're barely waking
And I'm tangled up in you
Yeah

When I'm open, you're closed
Where I follow, you'll go
I worry I won't see your face
Light up again

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills my mind
I somehow find
You and I collide

I'm quiet you know
You make a first impression
I've found I'm scared to know I'm always on your mind

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the stars refuse to shine
Out of the doubt that fills your mind
You finally find
You and I collide

You finally find
You and I collide
You finally find
You and I collide


What's the memory?
Driving in my car at night with my sister and brother, knowing that the next morning he would be leaving for quite a while, knowing that change is coming whether I want it to or not, and that it will be a big one.
After watching Prince Caspian in a theatre with only two other people, we drove home, loudly discussing the pros and cons of the movie, me all the while thinking that it would be a long time before we would do be doing this kind of stuff again.

(It reminds me that it's the little things in life that are so important, and we really do take them for granted most of the time.)

Our family which has grown and lived so joyfully, loudly, chaotically, and crazily will be splitting into little families, becoming independent, going out into the world. It reminds me of Charlotte's Web actually. I feel sympathy for my mother who has spent her entire life teaching us, nurturing us, loving us, only to have us move away and begin our own lives, separate from hers.

I used to think it was ridiculous that parents would try to hang onto their kids so tightly, but now, even just as a sister, I am reluctant to think of my brothers and sister moving away so far, I cannot have access to them if needed. It certainly is understandable to me now, that mothers would cling to tightly to their children, afraid to let them go, and knowing that when they do, things will never be the same again.

The fact is, even though I may take my siblings for granted or treat them with a casualness that borders on what appears to be a lack of care, the fact is...I am lonely without them. They make me smile, drive me crazy, understand my mind because they're very similar, and I do love them unconditionally because...they are my family. I can't imagine my life without any of them, especially the ones I can treat like adults, talk to as peers.

Love**

How many times can my heart break disillusioned by the thought of flawless love?
Will I ever get there or am I drowning in quicksand with no relief to come?
-Natalie Walker


I'm ready to love you
I'm ready to hold you
-Bryan Adams


You don't have a clue what it is like to be next to you
I'm here to tell you, that it is good, that it is true
Birds singing the song, old paint is peeling
This is that fresh, fresh feeling
-The Eels


Love is not love which alters when it alteration finds
Or bend with the remover to remove
O! no, it is an ever fixed mark that looks on tempests
and is never shaken.
-W. Shakespeare


Does anybody have a clue,
how hard I worked at loving you?
And I'm not myself when I'm with you
It takes and breaks my heart in two
-Amos Lee


All you need is love.
-The Beatles


This years love had better last
Heaven knows it's high time
And I've been waiting on my own too long
-David Gray


By this we know love, because He laid down His life for us.
-1st John 3:16


Is love a fancy, a feeling...or a Ferris?
-Jane Austen


Love will make you beautiful
-The Afters

Let The Rain Fall

The thunder is crashing, lightening flickering, and yet a sense of peace is more imminent now than it has ever been.

Thunderstorms remind me that there will always be storms in our lives -- we are guaranteed them. But even the storms consistency is a comfort.

As a child, I found these storms to be alarming. During the most severe storms when I feared that lightening was about to split through the roof of the house, I would inevitably leap from my bed, and meet my siblings in the hallway or living room, where we would eventually make our way to my parents bedroom for reassurance.

And that is what I believe God wants us to do. In moments when we feel as though the lightening may rip through what shelters us, when we need a comforting word or promise from someone greater and stronger than us, we need to turn to God for our hope and comfort.

Coldplay has done it again.
They're gone and released another amazing album.
I have only heard two tracks although the entire album has been leaked onto the internet. But from what I have heard so far, I am blown away.

They never fail to please my auditory senses.
Not only are the melodies catchy and rhythmic, the lyrics carry heavy, double meanings, causing one to stop and actually ponder over what they are singing about.

A little excerpt from their song Viva La Vida:

I hear Jerusalem bells a ringing
Roman Cavalry choirs are singing
Be my mirror my sword and shield
My missionaries in a foreign field
For some reason I can't explain
Once you go there was never, never an honest word
That was when I ruled the world

Try explaining what those lyrics mean.

And take a little look at this.

Yes, Coldplay does not disappoint, and I'm greatly anticipating the album's release June 17th.

Oh the weather outside is frightful...

To quote that old song, the weather outside is frightful, but not because of snow or high winds, gales, storms, or ice. Rather, the polar opposite. This oppressive heat and humidity is malingering, and is a constant and unwelcome reminder of what this summer presents. Hot, hazy days with a laziness that comes with the desire to avoid perspiring at all costs. You trudge down the sidewalk in the most defeated manner, the heat wearing you out. Our summers make all the simple things much harder to do. I believe the southern states in USA had the right idea when afternoon naps were a daily ritual. Avoid the heat, stay inside with the blinds and curtains drawn, and get up when it's cooler out. Pure genius.

I was reminded again today of how inconstant life can be at times.
It seems to me that at this point in time, our family that has been so close (albeit at times slightly dysfunctional) will be facing great divides.
One brother will be leaving at the end of June to begin his foray into military intelligence.
One sister will be tentatively moving to Asia in the next couple months to enter into her career there.
One brother will be taking a plane to a new job which will last a year.
Time will inevitably split us apart, taking us to new destinations, places where we are meant to build our lives, away from the home that we've had for several years now.
And as my parents face the decisions they must make over what to do with a house made for 10+ people, it comes to me in a sweeping realization that the time is looming for many of us to spread our wings and fly out into the world.
The difficulty is, we've been taught to rely on our parents and to remain close to home, garnering their respect and assurances on the choices we have made in our lives. Will it not be quite difficult to move from being controlled so much, to having to self-control?
This is a collective freakout, from the life and times of a controlled child.
How will this child who has been taught to cling to the traditional family and to depend on parents for daily decisions, how will she learn to make the decisions for herself, to live apart from the people who have held her so close?

I'm just saying...
The tighter you hold on to people, the harder it is to let go, and the harder it is to be released.

Sans Passion

Nothing is stimulating or interesting right now.
The only pressing truth is that this summer is possibly going to be the most ridiculously hot summer ever.
It is only the beginning on June, and it already feels like beach weather.

In an attempt to comb out my thoughts into a somewhat orderly fashion, I sit and wonder at the things of life, trying to fashion out some sort of thesis on the meaning of life.

Although we live to glorify God as the catechism put it so clearly, it seems as though sometimes that isn't enough.
Blasphemous? Maybe. It's not that I feel that we should forget God, put Him on the back burner, or relegate Him to our scheduled and routine prayer/devotional times.
But at times it would appear to me that God may be a tad narcissistic, which of course is impossible, because a holy and perfect God could not be narcissistic, as that is a negative character trait.

The point is (or lack thereof) that at times even though Christianity and our relationship with God is supposed to feel like enough, it quite simply doesn't.
How does one practically change, allowing God to become their main focus in life?
I'm sure that is has something to do with the renewing of ones mind.

The issue that I believe so many Christians face is that there is often no practical guide to acting on their beliefs.
Cliched statements like "pray through it" and "just believe" are often not enough to assist in making life changes and moving from the current state into something more godly and more focused.
So where is the aid for Christians who may feel as though they are failing, as though they just don't have that spark anymore?
Where is the practical assistance?
How can we help make changes?

At times, I wonder what draws people to Christianity, and what keeps them there.
It can be confusing and frustrating.
At times, we can only cling to the faintest faith we have, and hope fiercely that God will somehow show Himself to us in a clearer way.
At times, we can only wait for things to clear, for the storm to pass, for our eyes to be opened to the things that God is trying to show us, tell us.

For some reason that brings to mind this old gospel song that my vocal teacher taught us:
Have courage my soul, and let us journey on
Though the night is dark, and I am far from home
Thanks be to God! the morning light appears
The storm is passing over, the storm is passing over
The storm is passing over, hallelujah!

Perhaps the simple answers to the questions of life would be to cease the questionings (even if only temporarily) and to listen more intently. Sometimes it seems like the voices inside my head will drown out the truths that so desperately need to be heard. And so, at times, acceptance of lifes difficulties and frustrations is better, as opposed to thrashing about uselessly like a dying fish, accomplishing nothing, only tiring oneself.

This Is The First Post

from my new laptop! Isn't that too exciting? Okay, I'll admit, I didn't go high-quality but cheaped out for an Acer, but so far (well for the past couple hours anyway) I've been learning a new computer all over again. It's kinda fun, although I doubt anything will ever replace my beautiful desktop.

Here's what I've started doing again recently...reading. Books from the library. And I have to say, there are a lot of rubbish books out there. I took out three this past week, and I would only recommend one of those. The other two were complete wastes of time! In conclusion, I stress this to you dear reader...Avoid James Patterson. Run away from any of his novels, even if it's the last thing that you could ever read in your life! RUN AWAYYY!!!!!

I wrote this early this morning...
4:30 a.m. The rain starts falling, gently in a hushed chorus, washing down the windows and streets. It brings a promise of renewal and hope. Fresh air blows through the apartment, cooling the heat of closed walls. Refeshing comes at unexpected times, in unexpected forms. Praise be to God our Father, who gives freely and abundantly; who loves wholly and completely; who waits patiently and steadily; who fills utterly to overflowing. His love is like the rain...it washes over us, bringing peace, cooling our heated spirits, filling us with hope.

Egad.

Three days since my last post. I must be slipping or losing that contemplative musing ability that I so cherish. It's odd how you can be "busy", when really all you're doing is reading or writing, jogging, listening to music, and working.

Here's a brief ode to Captain Gault who did not make it past five episodes on LOST. R.I.P. dear sweet beautiful hunky handsome gorgeous...*wipes away drool*...

All good things must come to an end...dang you Darlton!!!

There's very specific groups of people in the world, and we are happy when we find the group we belong in. I refer to media groups, for there are people who love tv shows and movies more passionately than other people.
You have your X-filers, your LOSTies, japanimes, Moonlighters, Buffy/Angel, O.C.ers, and so much more.

The point is...find what you're passionate about, find something that works for you, and don't worry about what people think/say. You know what you love...just do it.