24

And thus passes my 23rd year.
And you know what?
It's been a great year and I'm sad to see it pass by.
I've changed most this year than any other time in my life.
I've maintained the change.
I've done things that I have never done before.
I feel successful to some extent.

Yes, I am sad to see 23 pass by and now be into 24.

Here's hoping for another wonderful year.

Cheers.

Bad Night

I had the scariest vivid and lucid dream last night.

For some reason I was a patient in the Step Down Unit.

I was sitting upright in one of the patient chairs when my hand started twitching spastically every time I lifted it up.

So the nurse noticed and asked me why that was happening.

I said it was normal.

They grabbed an ECG machine and stuck the nodes onto my chest and started doing the test.

For some reason the ECG machine turned into a patient database and they were able to search my name and see that I had an HIV test last year.

(Post tattoo precautions.)

Then the nurses started talking in hushed tones and wouldn't look at me.

I was like, "Tell me what's wrong, RIGHT NOW!"

One of the nurses said, "We're sorry but you're HIV positive."

I'm pretty sure that in my dream I experienced exactly how one would feel when they heard those words.

I felt my stomach drop and my heart labouring, and woke up from the nightmare at that exact point.

It was so traumatizing, I couldn't enjoy work today at all, and kept thinking about what it would feel like to have someone tell you that kind of news.

*Trying* To Get "Regular"

Alright, I am determined to get back into the groove of consistent posting.

I am going to assume that it will be a bit difficult, considering that I practically disappeared from blogging last month.

On top of that, most tragically, I have not been able to find the urge or compulsion to journal, even though I feel conflicted almost every day, and still find myself struggling from over-thinking.

Also, I plan on attempting to avoid contractions such as "I'm" and "Haven't" and "Wasn't", and so on.

So let me ramble on with a few thoughts before bedtime.

Rats.

The thoughts that I felt were so pressing have completely deserted me at this moment...

Sometimes I marvel at the poetry of song-writers, who can loop together fragments of words to create this beautiful piece of art that conveys feeling and emotion through sound/singing.

Today Christmas officially started for me, in some strange manner.

My mother's extended family had their Christmas party today--yes, a full month before actual Christmas. Apparently it is only possible to everyone to be present if it is held early.

(A Lord Of The Rings track just popped on and is causing me to miss it terribly. Not to mention, Christmas always equates LotR in my mind, because the movies were released annually around Christmas for three years.)

ANYWAY...The Christmas get-together was okay. Simply okay. My aunt was surprisingly caustic and amusing, and at the end of the reunion while I was practically racing for the exit, a random relative (don't know who he is or his name) muttered something about hating reunions. I was surprised but pleased.

I suppose it makes me a lazy and selfish person, that I care so little for others, and make hardly any attempt to touch base with people...but I feel as though I look at the big picture...that I see these people once a year, sometimes every other year, and if I can't recall their names, what impact will I have on their life? Small talk is boring. I'm only around for the long run.

(Sir James Galway is a genius. So is Howard Shore. Oh LotR...how I miss you.)

One of the relatives there (again, don't know name or relation) reminded me very strongly of a serial killer. I think it was creepy, black leather serial killer gloves that he donned as he was leaving.

Being a bit bored at one point today, I went back and was flipping through my last journal, and found myself nostalgic for summer. I already miss the warm winds and the beach and the suntanning and the daily jogs...it's only been two weeks of cold and I already am tired of it.

Every time I post on here, I wonder two things--
Why do I post on here?
Is anyone reading this?




Listening To:
The Grey Havens - Howard Shore, feat. Sir James Galway; Lord of The Rings: Return of the King
Love Will Make You Beautiful - The Afters

A Little Less Conversation [Just For Fun]

1. Put Your iTunes, Windows Media Player, ETC on Shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS.
4. Put any comments in brackets after the song name.
5. Put this on your journal.


If someone says, "Is this okay?" You say?
Closer [Joshua Radin]

How would you describe yourself?
Wasted [Carrie Underwood]

What do you like in a guy/girl?
Over A Rainbow [Eva Cassidy]

How do you feel today?
Sail Away [David Gray]

What is your life's purpose?
Trouble [Coldplay]

What is your motto?
Please Forgive Me [Bryan Adams]

What do your friends think of you?
Calling All Angels [Train]

What do you think of your parents?
Imagine [David Archuleta]

What do you think about very often?
Teardrops On My Guitar [Taylor Swift]

What is 2 + 2?
Undeniable [Matt Kearney]

What do you think of your best friend?
Youth Of The Nation [P.O.D.]

What do you think of the person you like/love?
Fly [Hilary Duff]

What is your life story?
You Are The Best Thing [Ray LaMontagne]

What do you want to be when you grow up?
Ocean City Girl [Ivy]

What do you think of when you see the person you like?
Big Girls Don't Cry [Fergie]

What will you dance to at your wedding?
Walk On [U2]

What will they play at your funeral?
Fix You [Coldplay]

What is your hobby/interest?
You're The One [Hillsong]

What is your biggest fear?
I Am Home [Kramdens]

What is your biggest secret?
Who Am I [Casting Crowns]

What do you think of your friends?
99 Red Balloons [Goldfinger]

What will you post this as?
A Little Less Conversation [Elvis Presley Remix]