Crazy Love

So a patient was admitted today who will be going into the OR soon.

His wife (in her eighties like the patient), appeared to be very concerned over her husband's plight.

She admitted to the nurse that she had never spent a night alone and apart from her husband.

When she left for home looking fragile and shaky, I found I had many thoughts.

Although some expressed disbelief and ridicule at the woman's statement that she had never been apart from him, I found it to be strangely touching.

To spend a lifetime with someone, to be so close, and to be devastated and afraid of spending time apart...although that may not be entirely healthy, it speaks volumes about that relationship.

Too often, I find people are content to be independent in their relationships.

They may be married by name, but they live like a single. They travel alone, often parent along for long periods of time, and there is no intimacy or closeness.

They spend time apart, there is no co-dependency or reliance on each other...it would appear that they almost do not need each other.

I believe that unfortunate independence is what contributes to so many divorces and break ups within our society.

Call me old-fashioned (and maybe even crazy) but I would never be interested in a relationship like that.

I would want my partner to yearn for me at all time, to need me always, and so when the time came that we may be forced to part--even if only for night--there would be a little grief.

That love is so consuming and overtaking; it feels more real and authentic than the people who marry in front of hundreds with exorbitantly expensive wardrobes, and with the acute inability to need someone, to depend on someone.

Give me whole hearted, flaming, ridiculous love, that fills you to the whole and that you absolutely cannot live without.

It does not matter if it leaves me fragile, frail, and feeling bewildered upon seperation.

I want it all, or nothing.

The Freedom Of Animals

Humans are odd about nature.
We have this strange and fixed fascination with creatures that roam free.

We go on hikes and follow trails that bring us close to the untamed and unfettered creature. Some people will sit for hours hoping to catch a glimpse of a deer, bear, or any other undomesticated animal.

What fuels people to pursue this hobby? Why are we so caught up and fascinated with the wild beast?

Many would argue that our ancestors being neanderthal explains why we are so curious toward wild animals. But I would disagree, for I do not believe that we evolved from monkeys. However, if we throw that reasoning out the window, we come back to the same question that remains unanswered. Why are humans so taken by wild creatures?

Perhaps we recognize in these creatures a freedom that we will never possess. We are bound by society, time, money, relationships, and worries. Animals live outside of these things, unfettered by the usual issues that we as humans face. They live by their bodies natural time, following instinct to survive.

As humans, our codependency on technology and the ease of life can be frightening. How would we fare and survive in the wild when we rely so heavily on the simplest of technology?

So while we watch and observe with some jealousy the apparently simple and easy life that these animals lead, there is this inner realization that that is the difference between animals and humans. They can live 100% worry free, while we are bound to this world and it's cares in more than one way.

Walking In Memphis

Put on my blue suede shoes and I boarded the plane
Touched down in land of the delta blues in the middle of the pouring rain...
Got a first class ticket, but I'm as blue as a boy can be

Then I'm walking in Memphis... walking in Memphis
but do you really feel the way I feel?

They've got catfish on the table
they've got gospel in the air
And Reverend Green will be glad to see you, when you haven't got a prayer

Tell me are you a Christian child?
And I said...I am tonight.

Walking in Memphis....do you really feel the way I feel?

Living Life

There isn't much to life at times, or so it seems.

If you break it down, all you have are bits and pieces of memories that make you smile and laugh, hurts and scars that you have carried for many years, and scattered thoughts that can frustrate, or fill with inexplicable joy.

We cling with an odd stubbornness to material things that represent something to us, and yet, letting them go, and releasing them into God's hands, we discover freedom. In releasing, we become released ourselves.

At any rate, perhaps the biggest mistakes that I make in life are building up life to be this giant, complex, puzzle that must be solved in order to live life fully.

Perhaps I should simply allow myself to live without constantly wondering what life means, whether I'm living as I should, and what I can change to enjoy it more.

Life doesn't have to be answers to questions...the questions themselves are life. It's accepting that, that makes the difference.

Forgiveness, moving along the roads that life leads us down, and allowing others to continue down their path of life...that's moving forward, that's living. That's life.

To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover the prisoner was you.
-Phillip Yancey

Not Laughing.

No, not not laughing.
Rather the opposite.

I am always seized with urge to burst into laughter during the most awkward and inappropriate times.

For example--

Tonight during a false code red, a woman was in labour in her car in front of the hospital. The husband was freaking out and couldn't lift her out of the car.

The firefighters just ran over, all manly-like, lifted her out into a wheelchair, and tooled her off.

I stood and giggled to myself while everyone else was staring and murmuring "ooooohhhs" and "aaahhhh".

I also find myself repeatedly bursting into laughter during P. Adam's speaking.

Does this happen to anyone else???

And Reappear...

There's barely been time to draw breath, let alone reflect on the inner workings of life and it's mysterious happenings. In fact, there will be grandiose thoughts on inequalities of life, and how the world is a crazy, chaotic mass of happenings.

But one thought I've marvelled at lately in the human imagination.
You only have to watch tv or movies, listen to melodies, or read books, to be swept away by the high thoughts that we are capable of creating.
In some ways, imagination is more precious than fact. It brings a sense of childishness, and not the negative misbehaviour associated with the word "childishness". Rather, the Peter Pan feel, that the world is simple and easy, not cluttered with emotions, and that life is black and white.
Every form of art that we enjoy is derived from the creative imagination of someone who took the time to make their thoughts take physical form as something tangible for others to enjoy.

In conclusion--
Let your imagination go wild.
Don't live in it as a reality, but allow it stimulate your creative arts and expression.

The (New) Love <3 Of My Life

Sleepovers

Why do adults not do sleepovers? What makes them so creepy and strange in the adult world?

Why is normal for kids and teenagers to camp out, talk all night, play video games, have a "sleepover"...and yet, so odd for adults to have them?

Is it because we can drive home after meeting up for the night?

Perhaps it's because we have daily "sleepovers" with our spouses?

Whatever the reason may be, as children we are taught that sleepovers are okay and are a normal part of life, and then as we age, they disappear from our lives, soon after college. They have no place in the adult world.

Just a thought, that's all.

Happy Canada Day

I am truly proud to be Canadian.

We not have much backbone, we may be overly polite, and may not take a stand when we need to...

But we are also kind, friendly, easy-going people.

Our country is beautiful.

I love Canada.