Relationships Require...

humility.

I'm still going through a learning phase (and will be eternally) when it comes to my relationship with Matt.

I will preface this by saying that I have never met anyone so generous as Matt.  

If I have a whim at 11:30 p.m. for anything, anything at all, he will find a way to fulfill it.

When he worked across the city at his old job, he would often finish work at 2 a.m. and then walk all the way back to the apartment (no buses at that hour) to be with me.

When he went to a concert on Saturday night with his friends in Toronto, he brought me back a gift.

He knows how much I love Tintin and how I've been collecting the series.  

So now my series looks like this:

That is how thoughtful Matt is.  I could write lists of generous and kind things he has done for me.

Matt keeps me humble.  

Sometimes he'll tell me that I'm so generous because I get up early to drive him to work or take the time to make his lunch for the next day, but in my eyes, our relationship is give-and-take.  I give to him and try to be thoughtful and he repays me with the same kindness.

What I have learned while dating Matt is that humility is a very important aspect of our relationship.

As G.K. Chesterton put it so succinctly:

And even humility can take on a pride of it's own.  We may look at ourselves and think, 'Wow, look at me being all humble and lowly.  I'm amazing!'.  It is easy to become lofty in our view of oneself.

Webster's defines "humility" as "the quality or state of being humble", which in turns brings us to the definition of "humble".  

(1: not proud or haughty : not arrogant or assertive

2: reflecting, expressing, or offered in a spirit of deference or submission humble

 apology>

3a : ranking low in a hierarchy or scale : insignificant,unpretentious

b : not costly or luxurious humble contraption>)

I realize that I have written on the importance of humility before.  (You can read my previous post on it here.)

But this morning, after driving Matt to work and walking along the beach with Licorice, I realized how small we truly are, a speck in the massive swell of humanity, a dot in time, a passing existence on Earth.  

I can compare it to my relationship with Matt.  Our fighting, my sensitivity and the arguments I champion are so small compared to the big picture of our relationship.  In recognizing that truly, I will be able to let the small things go.

Like I said, I'm still learning how to exist in my relationship, how to be myself and yet put the needs of the other person before mine.

I am so blessed to be with someone as loving and kind as Matt.  I know my own heart and I know I don't deserve to be with someone like Matt.  When I start acting as though I deserve all the good things I have received, I move toward a sense of entitlement.  

Humility reminds me that I have been given the gift of a wonderful relationship and I must protect it, nurture it, grow it.

I believe that if everyone possessed a speck of humility in their hearts, we wouldn't have the conflict that we see in our world today.

Grace & Peace
~Marcia

Humility

Humility.  I think it's key to any relationship.  Of course there's love and commitment and all that good stuff...but humility seems, to my thinking, to be a very important virtue.

When I'm humble, I have the realization that I don't necessarily deserve the good things that come to me.  I have done nothing magnanimous or with complete altruism.  Humility is the recognition of grace at work and present in my life.

While some people consider it an unhealthy state of mind, perhaps because they believe they deserve all the great things they are experiencing or getting from life, I don't think there is any negative about a good dose of humility.  It's grace that brings us to where we are, not the fact  that we may "deserve" something.

I think it's so important, vital to relationships, because it keeps me real and it keeps me grateful for the Person I'm with.  I can never take him for granted or think that I can do better than him, because such feelings lead to an underlying sense of "I don't need you" or "I can do better". 

Maybe sometimes we could be with someone different, but not necessarily better.  When we think we can do "better", we begin even subconsciously to take the person we're with for granted.  Feelings of resentment can grow and fester from there, as we consider the way they should treat us, at least to our thinking.  "He doesn't get me gifts!" "He never takes me out!"  "He doesn't satisfy my needs!" 

My prayer should be:

Lord, keep me humble.  Let me not consider myself greater or better than others.  Keep me diminished, grateful and content with all I have.  Amen.

What I do have is a wonderful boyfriend.  We get each other.  He understands the feelings and meanings behind my words, even my texts.  I humbly consider all my mistakes I have made, the poor ways that I have treated him and I am once again reminded of grace--grace that we do not owe but that is so freely given to us.  We need to give it as much as we receive.

~Peace