Tuesday, 23 December 2008

So, So far...

The 24th year has not been very successful, mainly because of family issues.

My older sister who had such sage advice for me during times of storminess is too far away for me too talk to. She does not consistently answer her emails and is never at hand for immediate help. I cannot fault her for having built her own life in a country across the world, but somehow the need for her has grown.

My older brother remains passive, easy to get along with, but unable to assist me with issues that are threatening all around.

The rest are too young to understand what is going on, and even my friends are busy with their own lives and far too immature to completely grasp the situation.

Basically, living with my parents has become unbearable and I need to move out and get my life without them poking their fingers into the piles that I have made.

They insist that they are always right, that I am wrong, that others have a far better and astute vision of life than I do, and for some reason I need their approval even though I hate the fact that I need aforementioned approval.

I rarely show any vulnerability to them and there is this brittle wall between us that I cannot be bothered to climb or knock down, because at this point in time, what is on the other side is not welcoming nor beguiling.

I suppose what it really boils down to is the fact that they think so unworthily of me, as though I am such a flawed person and as though I am actively destroying their lives and intending to lead those around me down an evil road headed straight for hell.

1 comment:

Nanny said...

I apologize. Sincerely. No, sincerely. I will endeavor, in this upcoming year, to keep more often in touch - and to even try to call you sometimes via Skype since I have unlimited calls now, every month.

I love you very much - and miss your commonsense (which so easily brought me down from my pie in the sky ideals).

Lotsa love,
Nan-chan

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