Thursday, 28 April 2011

dreams

I've been led to wonder lately how much of our subconscious is manifested through our dreams and are dreams possibly the way that our body or our mind is trying to tell us something?

What leads me to wonder about this? Recently my dreams have been extremely vivid, especially in the morning. I can remember all the details about what occurrences happened, where I was, colours and fixtures on walls, people I know who have somehow made their way into my subconscious...people who I haven't seen in years...it's strange and leaves me a bit uneasy at times.

Perhaps it's the fact that my dreams have had people from my past in them, or the fact that the people from my past have been interacting with people in my present (in my dreams) and somehow it feels as though my two worlds are colliding...

I have this Person, in my life now and even though I think we're pretty close, I still have parts of my life that he doesn't know about. It's nothing dramatic like a stint in juvie or a brief appearance on Mr Dress Up...it's just bits of my childhood that he doesn't know about and probably wouldn't understand, and in my dreams these two separate parts of my life are violently colliding.

In this morning's dream I was standing in a hallway/cafe of a house-turned-hotel and he said he'd wait for me while I went to the washroom. I went to bathroom and took too long; when I got back he was gone and people that I haven't seen for years were sitting at his table. I tried to run out of the strange building and ended up on a country road where a horse with the same colouring as my dog was about to be put down.

It was strange and discomfiting to say the least. I ask myself why I'm dreaming about him leaving me alone in a strange building and have come to the conclusion that I'm probably still partially afraid that he'll leave me, even though I try to bury that fear deep down, dismiss it and not let it show to him.

So I'm trying to grasp why I've been having these strange dreams lately, trying to figure out what might be causing them, attempting to understand what my mind is telling me through sleep. Our brains are always active even when we're buried deep under the cloak of sleep so clearly something is bothering me...something that is poking through my cloak and causing me to start awake, feeling a bit uneasy and scared.

Working through it...slowly working through it...

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