Wednesday, 15 June 2011

The Five Love Languages, #1

I wish I didn't expect people to demonstrate their love to me the same way I express my love for them. I could write endlessly, blog on and on about my feelings, discuss my emotional responses to how people treat me (see in particular: the Person), but I guess I have yet to accept the fact that people show me their love in very different ways. I mean, it might be easy or even freeing for me to quickly type out how I feel but practically impossible for other people. Somehow I always think though, that if they really loved me, they would manage to show it in a way that I understand.

So my good friend Kell recommended a book called "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman. She explained it like this:

We all have different ways of communicating or showing our love to each other and we individually value those ways as a demonstration of love. If you're in a relationship with someone you love and they speak a different language than you do, miscommunications occur and feelings are hurt. On top of that, it's hard for you to show the person you're with how much you care for them.

Sound intriguing? The list of the five love languages include:

-acts of service
-physical touch
-quality time
-receiving gifts
-words of affirmation

Say my love language is "physical touch" and my Person's love language is "quality time". We might not be able to fully express our love for each other because we value two different things and we look for them in order to find happiness.

You can even take a simple 30 questions assessment on the website and discover what kind of love language you communicate with. I know that most of the time these things some gimmicky but it's completely free and interesting to see what the quiz will turn up!

I had a tie with two love languages!: physical touch and acts of service.
Here are the two explanations on those love languages:

Acts of Service
Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter.

Physical Touch
This language isn’t all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face—they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive.

And there you have it. You can take the assessment here.
I'm going to run to the bookstore on Friday and grab a copy of the book for myself because I'm fairly sure I can learn something helpful from this book. I shall keep you readers updated on my journey through this book and learning process.

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