A few days ago I was laying in bed freaking out. And yes, it was all wedding related.
It started out with Matt and I believing that more had been accomplished than had actually been done.
I was acting all carefree.
We booked the church, the venue, picked the menu, talked to the pastor, have started premarital counselling and I have bought my dress. So what more could need to be done? We were good to go.
Then...suddenly...that dreaded night...
The moment where I was falling asleep, suspended in that sweet place between awake and asleep, that moment right when you know you're drifting away...
Where are we going to get square envelopes from?
How should we seat people? Where should we seat them?
Will Matt finish his book in time for our first session?
What should the party favours be? (Never mind that I find them tacky!)
Who will watch Oliver and Licorice while we're on our honeymoon?
Who will drive the girls to the church on the wedding morning?
Where will Matt buy a suit from?
How do we let people know about our after party?
When (and where) will we do our engagement photo shoot?
How soon should we decide hair styles?
When will we take our rings to get sized?
Who should we talk to about health insurance on our honeymoon?
And on and on and on the questions kept coming into my head...
Out loud I started reciting a small list of things we need to complete. I thought I was the only one awake. Suddenly Matt joined me and started adding multiple items to the list. Soon we were at 20+ things we need to do...AND SOON.
We ended up making a check list. I adore check lists.
The seating arrangement (not as difficult as I thought due to a small reception) is almost complete pending RSVPs.
Speaking of RSVPs, I sent the invitations out today!
I've been forced into learning patience. The post office has been extremely difficult lately, making "attempted deliveries" that don't actually consist of attempts.
More than anything, I've discovered that the thing I struggle with the most is anger caused by feelings of futility. After finding out about our mailman's (he is a man) shenanigan's, I called Canada Post to complain, but that didn't make me feel any better.
I was so angry that he wasn't doing his job properly, that he didn't even try to deliver a parcel that I paid a large amount of postage for. I ended up having to wait four extra days for this package which incensed me.
But hey, we're learning new things every day and I'm learning that I must find patience even in annoying and frustrating circumstances.
My wedding mindset/motto has been this:
The power and strength given to us is not one of being overbearing or pushing our way. It's power and strength to deal with these day-to-day frustration with grace and kindness. Yes, if you know me, you'll know how impatient and demanding I can be, so this is a true test for me, but I'm trying!
Getting married has brought out something else in me as well: tears. Okay, I know it sounds weird... I'm not talking sobbing, mascara running, break down tears.
(BTW, there are A LOT of crying/sobbing gifs from Glee. Not surprising. I'm sure they're just channelling their inner feelings about how terrible Ryan Murphy has made the show.)
My tears are more strangely tears of excitement! I think about the morning when I will walk down the aisle towards Matt and I get this lump in my throat. It's partially excitement and partially gratitude that I have this amazing man in my life.
Am I growing obscenely sentimental as I near 30 this year?
As exciting as wedding planning is, I'll be glad when it's over.
106 days to go!!!