Summer/Canadian/Weather/Et al

Again, not much to write about, except maybe the fact the weather is quickly warming up, and I'm (surprise!) not looking forward to a humid, sticky, and disgustingly warm summer. A couple days ago I went for a walk/jog with M, and by the end of the 4k we were both panting, sweating, her with tongue hanging out, me wiping perspiration from my brow. So if it's already that warm mid-May, I'm certain it's gonna be a scorcher.

Canadians are funny. We can ramble on about the weather for extended periods of time, and I think it's because we're always surprised by it. The weather here doesn't seem to follow a pattern, so it's never boring to discuss or surmise over. You don't have to wear suspenders and drink Milk of Magnesia to love the weather talk.

So what's the scoop on life? Well, at this very moment I feel like I'm living in The O.C. myself, mainly because I'm still watching it continually. I'm a few episodes into season three, and liking it so far. But I feel as though it may have stolen my life away from me. All I find myself doing lately is working, exploring new music, exercising, watching tv episodes, sleeping, and monitoring what I'm eating. It doesn't bother me that I don't find the time or energy to socialize. For once I am content to be alone, enjoying and even savouring the solititude. I'm actually somewhat looking forward to moving into my own apartment, and have been keeping my eyes open for apartments in the area of the hospital.

Also looking forward to vacations, which will be the third week in July. I'm excited for that. Very excited. Campfires, tents, the beach, swimming, little dinky movie theaters, small town atmosphere, only one main street...I love going up north for camping.

That's all for now. Sorry I don't have any more thoughtful contemplations, but my life has been surprisingly uncomplicated as of late. I have a party at my house tomorrow night so now I must go out with sister to pick up some food.

Cheers.

David Gray, Two Hours of Sleep, Thinking About It All

Two hours of sleep is a tease.
It's not enough to satisfy the body's craving and need for sleep, but it's just enough to make you feel sleepier, and to make you all the more aware that you are missing out on something quite vital.
It would almost easier to simply not sleep at all, stay awake and ride the adrenaline your body creates to get through the next day.

*

And thinking about life, it's becoming clearer and clearer to me that walking alone down deserted streets in the middle of the night might be the best thing ever.
You feel alone in the vast, teeming city around you.
You could touch a person walking by, you could talk to anyone if you really felt the need, but you don't.
You just enjoy the quietness of your steps on the pavement, your own breathing, the sound of cars passing, and the laughter of people passing by.
You envy the people in groups who seem to be having a good go at things, but at the same time, you embrace the loneliness and isolation, feeling safer, strong, impenetrable.
Walking alone down a street in the city at night might be the best thing ever.

*

I've just gotten back into David Gray again, and I've been finding his music so poignant and touching. I guess it's one of those things that you can't explain, but you can only feel with your heart. And this is what I feel... Every time I hear this song This Years Love, I can't prevent tears from welling up and trickling down. Which is awkward, especially on the bus.

But I was laying awake in bed at 3:30 this morning, listening to the song on my iPod, and slowly the tears started up again. I can't say there's anything particularly special about the song per se, but as I said before, it's one of those things you can't explain.

Here are [some] of the lyrics-

This Years Love

This years love had better last
Heaven knows it's high time
And I've been waiting on my own too long
But when you hold me like you do
It feels so right
I start to forget
How my heart gets torn
When that hurt gets thrown
Feeling like you can't go on

Turning circles when time again
It cuts like a knife oh yeah
If you love me got to know for sure
Cos it takes something more this time
Than sweet sweet lies
Before I open up my arms and fall
Losing all control
Every dream inside my soul
And when you kiss me
On that midnight street
Sweep me off my feet
Singing ain't this life so sweet

This years love had better last
This years love had better last

So whose to worry
If our hearts get torn
When that hurt gets thrown
Don't you know this life goes on
And won't you kiss me
On that midnight street
Sweep me off my feet
Singing ain't this life so sweet

This years love had better last
This years love had better last
This years love had better last
This years love had better last

*

The Sense Of Loneliness

The walk down to the bus stop is the same everyday.
Avoid the ice, sidestep the mounds of snow, tread carefully on the over-salted areas.

Then the daily waiting, examining the passing cars, wondering where everyone is headed to, until finally the bus screeches to a stop in front of me.

Climbing on, feeding in the ticket, waiting for a transfer, and finding a seat where not too many people are close.

The floor of the bus is stained white from the salt dragged in on the publics boots. A grey film from slush covers the white. Winter has taken its toll on vehicles everywhere.

Riding downtown, sun shining in and out of clouds and breaking through, casts light now, then gone, now, then gone.

And looking out the window at the people the bus passes, the people waiting at the bus stops, the houses and cars...

An overwhelming sense of lonelinesse and isolation swells.
People are detached, confined, sequestered in what they believe is important.
I choose to stare out the window and wonder who I am, why I am riding the bus everyday, and how have I managed to find a way through the almost oppressing feelings of desolation.

Everyday is the same.
Get on the bus, ride with often the same people, sit alone and apart, wonder who I am, and never reach a conclusion.