Each new day

My eyes have sun spots in front of them, but it was worth it.

I got up from my desk and walked over to a window at the end of the unit. The sun is sliding down the sky, determined to rise on the other side of the world. Apartment buildings were silhouettes in front of the giant orange ball. Red, orange, pink colours bleeding from it as it moved slowly out of sight, and thirty-five (give to take a few) giant blue recycling containers crowded about in the garbage area five floors down.

Outside people were walking by with seeming intent, bent on making their way to a certain place by a specific time, and no one could see the beautiful sky above from their positions far below.

The constant exchange of day and night is unstoppable, a force we don't often think about. As the sun rises and falls, another day is gone, and we leave behind all our regrets, our mistakes, our passions, and the choices we have made. Each morning brings a new chance to start all over again and be the person we deeply long to be.

Seize the moment, squeeze and own it, as Eminem so wisely advises.

Love

It would appear that Sunday was a day to learn about love...again.

It all started on Sunday morning with the statement from P. Mills - "Love trumps all". I know it's such a simple statement, probably made thousands of times before, but the clarity and truth of it rang clearer to me than ever before. Love does trump all, and all that we need to learn from life is how to love people wholly and unselfishly. You may think the Beatles were exaggerating when they said "All you need is love", but in reality, it is true. Love is the fundamental core of life. If we could all learn to love a bit more, love someone other than ourselves, we would change the course of the world. I truly believe that with all my heart.

So, Sunday morning began with a much needed reminder of love, and Sunday night followed with another gentle reminder of how our love should be activated in our lives. And here are some characteristics of true love--

Generous. Marked as sacrifice.
Active. Backed up by actions.
Sincere. Open-hearted, doesn't use people.
Sensitive. Tactful; knows what to say and when.
United. Works to take down walls.
Edifying. Seeks to build others up.

See, none of us can say with surety that the love we demonstrate in our lives is characterized by those attributes. In fact, I would hazard a guess that many of us do not even understand what true love is.

There are people who don't understand true love because they have another definition of it.
There are people who don't understand true love because they have never experienced it.
There are people who don't understand true love because they have denied it's existence.
There are people who don't understand true love because they have never understood it.

There will always be people who won't believe, who won't understand, who'll deny the truth.

The fact is, we all need love, we all need it in it's purest form.
We need to give it, and need to allow ourselves to receive it.

Here's what I did.
I lay on my bed, the wind blowing in through my wide-open window, the curtains tossing and dancing in the wind, sunshine dappling the walls and bed.
I lay there and thought about life, and how wonderful it can be.
It's such a juxtaposition between good and bad, but the bad times make me love the beautiful and good moments that much more.

Basically, my thoughts on love (and life) can be summed up as so--
I need to start searching, probing, being honest with the love I choose to give and allow myself to receive.
Is my love growing people, am I sacrificing myself for others? Do I value other people as much as I value myself?
Never, never be content with where you are. Strive, reach, strain, stretch to be more. Build your character, grow yourself, open your heart, believe.

"He who is in you is greater than he who is in the world."

The Sense Of Loneliness

The walk down to the bus stop is the same everyday.
Avoid the ice, sidestep the mounds of snow, tread carefully on the over-salted areas.

Then the daily waiting, examining the passing cars, wondering where everyone is headed to, until finally the bus screeches to a stop in front of me.

Climbing on, feeding in the ticket, waiting for a transfer, and finding a seat where not too many people are close.

The floor of the bus is stained white from the salt dragged in on the publics boots. A grey film from slush covers the white. Winter has taken its toll on vehicles everywhere.

Riding downtown, sun shining in and out of clouds and breaking through, casts light now, then gone, now, then gone.

And looking out the window at the people the bus passes, the people waiting at the bus stops, the houses and cars...

An overwhelming sense of lonelinesse and isolation swells.
People are detached, confined, sequestered in what they believe is important.
I choose to stare out the window and wonder who I am, why I am riding the bus everyday, and how have I managed to find a way through the almost oppressing feelings of desolation.

Everyday is the same.
Get on the bus, ride with often the same people, sit alone and apart, wonder who I am, and never reach a conclusion.