Ode to Spring

Spring is my favourite season and I am sad to wave good-bye to it. 

It's a time of new life and birth, when the grass smells rich and musty as it grows up through the mud.  The baby birds cheep and the animals get cabin fever, knowing that warm days are ahead.

I've been soaking up the sunshine and enjoying watching our tomato plant thrive, while decorating and setting up our balcony.

Below are some of my favourite photos that I feel best represent spring for me this year, 2013.

The sunrises, sunsets and twilight

The stormy days

Beautiful cloudy skies

The beach 

Flowers!

I hope you've been enjoying spring as much as I have!  Now we're onto the grand ole summer, with the heat and sweating. 

XOXO

A Love Affair

I'm cheating on my boyfriend...with a beach.

Every morning I drop him off at work and leave him for the beach.  I walk with beach, I talk. 

Licorice comes along and we all enjoy each other.

Driving in the morning~

Nature & Utility~

Surfers On My Beach~

On a freakishly warm day last week Licorice was able to get some swimming in~

But a couple days later, it was TOO COLD~

Peace & Beauty Are Everywhere~

~Much Love

Easter & Springs: My Favourite Things!

Okay, it's officially here... My favourite season has always and will always be spring!  The outside smells so fresh and earth with the ground thawing out and nature coming to life.

Easter is also my favourite holiday! Something about it being in tandem with spring and representing new life and birth is exciting.  

Warning:  this post is photo heavy!

Licorice and I took a long walk this past week and I enjoyed snapping some pictures.

A couple views from the top of the James Street stairs

Then we walked around in the park for a while at the top of the stairs and saw some cool things

In this park, it almost looks like a moor in Scotland

Licorice and I love that park.

A few more things that make me happy...


Watching the sunset from my bed ~

Easter eggs ~

My new hurricane lamp (from Giant Tiger!) ~

Matt put up the mirror/candle piece in the hallway ~

I snapped a sunset pic from work this week ~

That's all for now! Hope you are all having a blessed and wonderful Easter!

Odds & Ends

There isn't much to write on right now.  Things have been relatively sedate since the wedding.  I'm still trying to motivate myself to unpack certain things that have be left in boxes.

This morning, when I took Licorice for his walk prior to leaving for work, I heard a cardinal singing in trees outside of my apartment.  Just last week we had a bit of  a snow storm.

This is my apartment building.  As you can see, it's an old piece of architecture; the supers told us it's 90 years old, at least.  Our apartment is around the front of the building and I will try to take some pictures of it soon.   

(I absolutely LOVE my apartment.  I never realized how frustrated I was with my old apartment until I moved! Hey, I have a parking spot ALL THE TIME! I never have to worry about finding one when I return home from an excursion.  My heat is ALWAYS ON--too hot even! And my supers are awesome! They have solved almost all our problems already!)

A view of James St. from the top

Slippery 

Last year I went through a particularly bad time where I was truly struggling with loving my body and accepting myself. I came home from work and found a heart taped to my mirror in my dressing room.

When we moved to the new apartment, it was taped again to my mirror for me to see every day.  That is only a small demonstration of how amazing Matt is.  Me, below, with no make up.

The kittehs are happy at the new place too.  There's SO MUCH ROOM for them to run around and behave like maniacs.

Matt is hilarious and still makes me laugh after being together almost 2 1/2 years.

Finally, twilight was beautiful earlier this week.

Spring is coming... Every time I think of that phrase or feel that delicious excitement for the musty smell of thawing earth and bird calls, I think of...

"Aslan is on the move"

That's all for now! Hope you're enjoying the segue into spring as much as I am!

Spring serenity

I think spring brings out the best in me, which is sad considering it is simply a state of mind, rather than a tangible occurrence/situation.

However, without fail, every February, I start hit the end of my tether. I've started to understand why people escape to Florida and other tropical areas for vacation mid-winter. The older I get, the worse it becomes...the winter blues. I found myself quite hostile this year, especially at work. I was barely making it through shifts, getting frustrated and annoyed with my coworkers and situations that were occurring. Literally, every single shift, I found myself about lose my mind in anger and...I'll admit it...fantasies that involved guns and a kick assing of mega proportions.

But now, with April passing by, the days becoming warmer and longer, the air starting to smell like spring, and the fact that all my windows are left wide open day and night, I feel so happy and relaxed and calm.

I may as well be flying high. That's how hopeful and happy I feel at this point. Even now, I'm just over 11 hours into my shift, and I feel no anxiety or exhaustion or anger...I just feel happy I have a job and that I'm sitting here typing on a functioning computer, and that I will soon be going out with my friend to see a great movie in my car that I love.

It's indescribable, this sense of peace that I am currently experiencing. In fact, the fire alarms could probably go off, a S.W.A.T. could storm down the halls, four Code Blues could be called, and I still would be undefeated in my optimism at this point.

There has been a turning point over this weekend, despite the fact that it was emotionally draining. I feel happy and peaceful and calm in myself.

As I was walking down the hospital hall today, I had this one line running through my mind:
the Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want

I shall not want.

How often do we get caught up in the material things of this life, when what we really need is to sit back and think about all the things we DO have (health, family, a house, a car) and be thankful for them. Really and truly thankful, not just a passing thought.

That's all for now.

Love

It would appear that Sunday was a day to learn about love...again.

It all started on Sunday morning with the statement from P. Mills - "Love trumps all". I know it's such a simple statement, probably made thousands of times before, but the clarity and truth of it rang clearer to me than ever before. Love does trump all, and all that we need to learn from life is how to love people wholly and unselfishly. You may think the Beatles were exaggerating when they said "All you need is love", but in reality, it is true. Love is the fundamental core of life. If we could all learn to love a bit more, love someone other than ourselves, we would change the course of the world. I truly believe that with all my heart.

So, Sunday morning began with a much needed reminder of love, and Sunday night followed with another gentle reminder of how our love should be activated in our lives. And here are some characteristics of true love--

Generous. Marked as sacrifice.
Active. Backed up by actions.
Sincere. Open-hearted, doesn't use people.
Sensitive. Tactful; knows what to say and when.
United. Works to take down walls.
Edifying. Seeks to build others up.

See, none of us can say with surety that the love we demonstrate in our lives is characterized by those attributes. In fact, I would hazard a guess that many of us do not even understand what true love is.

There are people who don't understand true love because they have another definition of it.
There are people who don't understand true love because they have never experienced it.
There are people who don't understand true love because they have denied it's existence.
There are people who don't understand true love because they have never understood it.

There will always be people who won't believe, who won't understand, who'll deny the truth.

The fact is, we all need love, we all need it in it's purest form.
We need to give it, and need to allow ourselves to receive it.

Here's what I did.
I lay on my bed, the wind blowing in through my wide-open window, the curtains tossing and dancing in the wind, sunshine dappling the walls and bed.
I lay there and thought about life, and how wonderful it can be.
It's such a juxtaposition between good and bad, but the bad times make me love the beautiful and good moments that much more.

Basically, my thoughts on love (and life) can be summed up as so--
I need to start searching, probing, being honest with the love I choose to give and allow myself to receive.
Is my love growing people, am I sacrificing myself for others? Do I value other people as much as I value myself?
Never, never be content with where you are. Strive, reach, strain, stretch to be more. Build your character, grow yourself, open your heart, believe.

"He who is in you is greater than he who is in the world."

++ As Promised ++

My current favourite song... Be Mine by David Gray.
Watch it, listen to it, and love it.


Today I smelled the wondrous smell of thawing.
I was driving my car with the windows rolled down, breeze flowing through the car, and these faint odor came in to the car, a smell of thawing and new soil, of spring and new life. It was very exciting moment. I love spring.


I love textures and colours...how you can see a millions thing, and touch the softness of clothes, hair, the cool steel, and warm coffee cup. You can taste so much delicious and comforting stuff, but can't really define what taste is. And that is amazing.


It's odd how you don't miss people when they're around all the time, but the minute they leave, or are unattainable, you want them, need them, miss them so much, that you feel hollow and empty without them.



She lifts her skirt up to her knees, walks through the garden rows
With her bare feet, laughing
I never learned to count my blessings,
I choose instead to dwell in my disaster.
I walk on down the hill, through grass grown tall and brown
And still it's hard somehow to let go of my pain...
Will it always feel this way?
So empty, so estranged?...[Empty/Ray Lamontagne]



So I find myself listening to this music, contemplating the meaning of life, and wondering if I have a future. It then turns to thoughts of that my future may hold. What people will I meet, who will I become close to, when will things change?

I've already learned to some extent, to be calmer and more easy-going, accepting simply what life has to give. And yet, at times, my mind seems to run away with me, and I worry that I'll wake up and find my life has disappeared in time, with scattered remnants of history barely leaving a mark on the people around me.


On a side note, I believe I may be honing my social skills again, which is good news for the poor people who have to live with me. I've felt so distance and far from people around me, and now I'm attempting to make the effort to be friendlier and more open. I recall a woman telling me once that it costs us nothing to smile at people and be kind, and so I'm attempting to emulate her wise words, and make an effort to show people that I care, even if sometimes I don't.


There's something touching about a child reaching for his mother with his arms outstretched, and you know he has complete trust and faith in her, that she will hold him, care for him, feed and nurture him, and love him. The look on the mother's face as she clasps him into her arms and tenderly kisses his face speaks volumes of true love. She would die for her child, and you can see that plainly in her manner.

Love is a funny thing.
Sometimes I believe we hate it and ridicule it because we fear we will never experience fully, but the truth is- real, pure love stops us in our tracks and speaks to our souls. We stand in awe of the power of love, how it affects others around us, ebbing like the tide and touching the lives of people we come into contact with.


Here's to love, life, and hope.

[Clacking]Empty(Eyes)

The slatted blinds on the window here are clacking and knocking against each other in the warm breeze that is floating through the screen, and never have I been so appreciative of such a mundane sound.

The sunshine is incredibly bright and strong, and tonight will probably be one of those glorious spring sunsets that sets your heart on fire.

It's amazing to me how much the weather affects people. If it's rainy and dull out people are more likely to be cranky and uptight, but as it warms up and the promise of new life is on the air, people seem to unfurl like the leaves budding on the trees and daffodils springing up in gardens.

__

I love these lyrics by Ray Lamontagne:


I never learned to count my blessings
I choose instead to dwell in my disasters...
Will I always feel this way?
So empty...so estranged.


Words are so powerful.
They seem to fill the void of life and speak meaning into our existence. They are ultimately how we exist, how we communicate. The sweeter, the more reflective the words, the stronger the meaning, the deeper the thoughts, the more profound the contemplations.

It's not just the actual physical typing or writing of words that is powerful. It is also the spoken word, what we say to people, what we imply, how we communicate, and how we initially represent ourselves. The first thing that you say to a person will create a lasting impression with them.

___

Look through your eyes, but really look, don't just glance around.

Notice the myriad of colours and shading, the way the light hits the room and illuminates all that is around, the textures that our eyes can pick up, and the edges, shadows, beams. It is almost overwhelming.

Spring* ala Winter*

We've been tricked. Duped, lied to, and cheated on.
The promise of spring is fleeting and vain. Although we have been waiting with bated breaths for that glorious day in March when winter is over, it would appear that although it technically has arrived, physically it is as cold as a November night.

Perhaps it's just the notion of spring that has raised our hopes.
Spring means new life, a promise of a future, hope for good times ahead, and a respite from the cold blasts of snow, sleet, ice, and rain we have all been shivering through.


*

So here I am, driving in this car, doing my makeup and hair, moving from here to there independently, working constantly, barely finding time to meet up with people let alone have moments of quiet for myself, and I find that I barely know who I am anymore.

It feels as though I may have lost myself in this grand cause otherwise known as life.

And yet, in the still small moments, when you pause to hear a cardinal outside, notice the budding on the branches, and deeply inhale the scent of coming change, you start to feel yourself. You remember that who you are and what you believe in can never be taken away from you without your consent.


*

Hang onto this:

That you were made this way for a purpose, and that one day you will believe that with all your heart. A completeness and sense of assurance will fill you, and you'll know without a doubt that you've been given to this world, to your family, to the people who love you, for a very good reason.

When you find nights long and lonely, or feel as though depression may be crushing you with it's blackness and dark secrets, hang onto this:

That you are made in God's image, and there is nothing greater in the world than that. You were chosen, you were created from Intelligent Design, you were an intent in the heart of the Greatest Creator of all. Rest assured that God does not walk with us, only to leave us in the hard times.