A Bookish Bridal Shower

I've been meaning to post about my literature themed bridal shower thrown by my lovely family and friends...but life has been crazy!  For all you single people:  if a married person talks to you about the chaotic last few weeks of engagement, listen up!  They are not lying.  Even though Matt and I are having a fairly simple and casual wedding, we are still swamped with all sorts of things.

(To be fair, it's not just wedding things.  Taking on a second job a couple months before a wedding and dealing with a fiance being laid off from work does make one a bit...cuckoo.)

But back to the subject on hand:

A book themed shower! I've loved books since I was a young child and most of my friends (and blog readers) know that I often get caught up in the fictional world.  I even had mastered a talent of speed reading aka skipping over boring descriptive parts.  I believe my dad taught me that gift after a painful reading of Lord of the Rings out loud to us as children.

Reading is just the thing our family does and we do it well. 

My maid-of-honour/sister pulled it together really well.  It ended up being a beautiful event with lots of delicious food and even a book swap!

I was personally very proud of this decorative wreath I slaved over for the wall.  

Yeah, I made that beauty.

My mom came up with this neat idea of creating a vase with old book pages and dried flowers.

She also whimsically twined together some books for more decorations.  You can see them in other pictures.

My dearest Matt put his skills to work the week before and painted a picture as a prize for the crossword game.

And I put together the crossword using an online generator and basing it on historical and fictional couples.

My sisters and my mom created a couple neat table runners made out of book pages.

I had the crafty idea of buying little jars at the dollar store and using a strip of paper and our heart-shaped hole punches, we created little book themed tea light candle holders.

We used little jars for favours full of candy.

Below is the invitations we sent out for the shower.  Kind of a neat book themed twist as well.

My biggest regret was not not taking more pictures of what we put up.  I had such a fantastic time connecting with friends & family though and I was so blessed by the thoughtful cards and gifts that people gave me.

The shower was so perfect for me and I loved it!

~Randominities~

So today, right here, right now, I've had the most honest and self-probing thoughts.

Here's the thing. Or rather, thingS.

I complain about not having close friends. I whine that my life is devoid of social activity. I feed my self-pity by thinking of how alone I am. And I don't exaggerate when I state that I have no close friends at this point in time. I don't. And the thing is...

I've chosen it to be this way.

I've allowed people to slip away from me, as sand trickles through your fingers. I've allowed time and physical space to push us apart. I've waited for others to make the first move instead of attempting to rekindle fires myself. I secretly find many people boring, which is why I don't try to make friendships work out.

And then I complain that I'm alone. But...I've chosen it to be this way.

I've chosen uneventful nights, I've chosen long work hours, I've chosen uninterrupted weeks of working, I've chosen to avoid people, I've chosen this path in life.

The right to complain is now null and void. This has become all too clear to me. You lay down with dogs, you get fleas. You live with your life decisions. And that is that.

How exactly was this epiphany triggered?

I was talking to someone about another friend who is fading out of my life. My statement was: "We can no longer relate to each other and I find her boring."

The girl I was talking to was silent for a couple minutes and then said, "Don't you think people think that way about you?" To which I arrogantly replied, "No, because I'm not boring".

But after a few minutes of thinking, I can now see how people would see me as boring. I work all the time, don't bother going out, don't go to movies, do not go drinking or clubbing, and basically talk about work. And music. And so, yes, I can see how people would find me uninteresting.

So basically, here's what it comes down to.
I have to learn to live with the life choices that I have made, and I have to learn to live with them gracefully.
Things will never be perfect or precisely the way I would like them to be, so why not be happy and grateful for what I do have?
And if I want more, I need to go out there and get more.

There's just one BUT.
But people, it is always me! It's me who chases down other people and tries to make them care! It's me who shows affection and emotion! It's me who tries to extract care from people! It always is bloody me who tries to make friendships and relationships work. I'm so tired of being the one who ends up feeling hurt and abandoned, while the other person just waltzes out of the situation completely untouched by what went down.

I know I just stated that I wouldn't complain, but this is my blog, and if you don't like it, stop reading it.

Basically it's a catch-22.
I'm frustrated with being the person who tries to make things work, but I'm even more frustrated with my cynical, apathetic attitude.

((Randomness))

Okay, so this is what I do.

I hear a song that completely appeals to me in every fashion: emotionally and musically mainly. It makes me sense happy and relaxes my mind while at the same time induces me to contemplative thinking.

Then, I take that song and I beat it to death, by listening to it over and over, and playing it on the piano, and just immersing myself in it.

In a couple weeks I pretty much am done with the song.

I wonder, if I restrained myself, and only listened to it once a day, would our relationship last longer? And I believe the answer is Yes, Yes it would.

I need to start restraining myself.

-)(-

I thought today that I need to stop caring so much about what other people think about me, and instead focus on the more important things in life, such as cleaning my room, exercising, working, and honing my skills (or lack thereof). For example, I used to be so active socially, always with people, working on relationships, and now I feel as though I have distanced myself from others, satisfying myself socially through internet friends.

Don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with internet friends, but they aren't there for you in the way "real" friends can be. They can't physically pat you on the back, and usually you only show them a side of you that you want them to see. You aren't completely honest with them, because you might not like certain things about you. Or you know that your general demeanor annoys people, so you moderate yourself to be more pleasing. Basically, it's much easier to hide behind emoticons and text.


-)(-

David Gray is just amazing.

I'll update on that thought later.

This Years Love...

Had better last.

*

Ever seen the show Jericho? I highly recommend it.
For one, after spending approximately....760 minutes or just over 12 hours sating myself in it, I've realized how much we come to take things for granted.

We have electricity, food, hospitals to go to if we become ill, churches, streets, a semblance of law, police, firemen, able-bodied people, artists, businessmen, stores, merchants...in essence a busy teeming city and society.

But what would occur if you took all that away? What if there was no law? The people held behind bars would run loose and wreak havoc all over the city. The people with criminal tendencies would no longer have a reason to hold back. Any representation of an organized society would fall to pieces, and we would only have each other to lean on.

Who could you trust during a time like that? In an angry crowd full of people who want immediate gratification, surrounded by the starving and poor, how would you bring calm and peace? What would you say to people to comfort them or to calm them when everything they love the most is taken from them?

The fact is...not to be utterly pessimistic, but we will face hard times, our children are going to face harder times, and our grandchildren will perhaps be even more hard-pressed than anything we've seen or heard of.

It's not words that any of us want to hear, but troubled times are coming. All that matters is...where is your family? Where are your friends? Who will you stand with, who will you stand behind?