Dave & Macey Tie the Knot

On Saturday, May 30, 2015 we were all privileged to be witness and be part of the marriage between David Veldman and Macey Scullion.

In the past two and a half years, our family has been part of four weddings among our siblings.  The saying,  "it never rains but pours" could not be truer of our family.  As we all entered that phase of our relationships around the same time, we began with Josh & Amber, Matt & myself, Joseph & Danielle, and finally Dave &  Macey.

Each wedding was unique in it's own way, a personal statement on the individuality of each of our relationships and personalities;  Dave and Macey's wedding was unique indeed.

Married on the Borden base of the CAF, we were all treated to a glimpse inside the lives of the army.  I had the assignment of shooting some simple photographs for Dave and Macey. 

Disclaimer:  I am most definitely not a professional photographer and I'm sure other people attending with cameras were able to catch more vivid images.  These are the particular few that I enjoyed the most from that day.

To Dave & Macey, I wish you a long long marriage of happiness, learning and love.

A Bookish Bridal Shower

I've been meaning to post about my literature themed bridal shower thrown by my lovely family and friends...but life has been crazy!  For all you single people:  if a married person talks to you about the chaotic last few weeks of engagement, listen up!  They are not lying.  Even though Matt and I are having a fairly simple and casual wedding, we are still swamped with all sorts of things.

(To be fair, it's not just wedding things.  Taking on a second job a couple months before a wedding and dealing with a fiance being laid off from work does make one a bit...cuckoo.)

But back to the subject on hand:

A book themed shower! I've loved books since I was a young child and most of my friends (and blog readers) know that I often get caught up in the fictional world.  I even had mastered a talent of speed reading aka skipping over boring descriptive parts.  I believe my dad taught me that gift after a painful reading of Lord of the Rings out loud to us as children.

Reading is just the thing our family does and we do it well. 

My maid-of-honour/sister pulled it together really well.  It ended up being a beautiful event with lots of delicious food and even a book swap!

I was personally very proud of this decorative wreath I slaved over for the wall.  

Yeah, I made that beauty.

My mom came up with this neat idea of creating a vase with old book pages and dried flowers.

She also whimsically twined together some books for more decorations.  You can see them in other pictures.

My dearest Matt put his skills to work the week before and painted a picture as a prize for the crossword game.

And I put together the crossword using an online generator and basing it on historical and fictional couples.

My sisters and my mom created a couple neat table runners made out of book pages.

I had the crafty idea of buying little jars at the dollar store and using a strip of paper and our heart-shaped hole punches, we created little book themed tea light candle holders.

We used little jars for favours full of candy.

Below is the invitations we sent out for the shower.  Kind of a neat book themed twist as well.

My biggest regret was not not taking more pictures of what we put up.  I had such a fantastic time connecting with friends & family though and I was so blessed by the thoughtful cards and gifts that people gave me.

The shower was so perfect for me and I loved it!

Makeup & Family Emergencies

This past Friday I went for a whole day without wearing makeup. Now, I know that doesn't seem like much of a claim;  you'd have to know my makeup history.

It all started when I was in my late teens/early twenties.  Prior to those years I never wore makeup and my parents never encouraged it.  My dad is not a fan of the "cake face" aka this:

Or this: 

The most makeup my Mom would wear was Chapstick and that was fine with her.  To be clear, my dad NEVER oppressed my mom into NOT wearing makeup:  she never cared for it herself, and she has such beautiful skin, she doesn't need it.

I, on the other hand, went through a bad bout of acne and blotchiness, so when I discovered FOUNDATION, the doors of heaven swung open.

From there I spiraled into a VERY complicated and intense makeup regime that went something like this:

-primer
-foundation
-powder
-blush/bronzer
-eyeliner
-eye primer
-eye shadow
-lip primer
-mascara
-lip gloss/lipstick

I would never leave my place without having all of the above on my face, especially for work.  I was very self-conscious about my acne and I didn't understand that using large amounts of makeup can exacerbate already sensitive skin into a state of constant breakout.  I also used brands such as Cover Girl which isn't high quality.  

(Yes there is a huge difference between high and low quality makeup.)  

My dad didn't say anything when I started showing up for church and family outings all decked out with my dark eye-liner despite the time of day.  But I was never quite as bad as Taylor Momsen, a repeat offender.

Believe it or not, it was my wonderful boyfriend who slowly helped break the chains of makeup from me.  During the first few months we were dating I was still so self-conscious, always spending lots of time putting on my face before going out.  I'll never forget the first time he casually remarked off hand to me, "You don't need makeup, babe.  You look great the way you are".

For the record, I never wore makeup for my boyfriend, even though he repeatedly said to me "You don't have to wear makeup for me" and "You know I think you're beautiful just the way you are".

Slowly over time though, being around someone who input these healthy thoughts into my mind, I started realizing that it wasn't about caring less for myself.  You know how there's this small truth that as you become more comfortable dating someone, you kinda...let yourself go?  Well, I was determined to keep up my regime, giving my best face to the world, but Matt challenged that.

I have learned a few important lessons about this topic over the past years...

1.  Less is more.  You don't have to cake the makeup on.  A nice fresh light look goes a lot further than heavy unnatural looking eye-liner.

2. Be self confident.  I was relying on cover up my imperfections to make it through the day.  I was unable to be confident enough to present my "naked" face to the world. Makeup took away my strength and I felt I would be less of a woman if I didn't properly do myself up.  The fact is:  there's nothing wrong with makeup, but it shouldn't be a crutch, something you NEED to have on before leaving the house.

3. Buy high quality.  I cannot stress this enough, especially in regards to foundation.  As I mentioned before, I was irritating my skin with low quality brands.  I now use "HD Makeup" aka "Make Up Forever" and a tiny squirt of foundation covers my whole face.  I've never had a break out using this makeup.  It is far more expensive than Shopper's Drug Mart makeup, but it is SO WORTH IT. 

My favourite eye shadow makeup is by Urban Decay and I just got this basic palette that everyone should own

4. Invest in a good brush set.  Prior to having a brush set, I used my fingers to apply my make up, which basically moves around the oils from your hands to your skin.  I bought this brush set from Sephora and it is well worth the extra costs.  (Also, keep your brushes clean!)

So I had scaled back drastically on my makeup use, only wearing eye-liner, eye shadow and mascara to work.  Foundation is saved for events or evenings out with friends.   But what precipitated an entire day without ANY MAKEUP at all???


***WARNING:  SERIOUSNESS APPROACHING***


On Friday morning at 6 am I was waking up to drive my boyfriend to work when my phone rang.  It was my mom.  My dad had been on and off sick for a week and she was calling to let me know that he had been admitted into the nearby ER with severe pain among other scary symptoms.  No one seemed sure of anything because the doctors hadn't been around yet with any news.

IMMEDIATE REACTION:

Then:

But seriously...I was FREAKED out.  My dad is never sick.  The fact that he had been down-and-out for the entire week prior had me a little worried, but no one in our family has ever been EXTREMELY sick, so we didn't think much of it.

I jumped out of bed, ran in bare feet to my sister's conveniently placed next door apartment and banged on the door.  She rushed out of bed, I picked up my mom and we went straight to the hospital to see my dad.

Friends, there is nothing worse than seeing a parent helpless.  From childhood I have seen my father as a strong man, physically, spiritually and emotionally.  Nothing shatters that view faster than seeing your parent laying on a hospital stretcher crying in pain.  I felt anger at the ER for not attending to his needs faster and I felt helpless.  All of a sudden I was on the OTHER side of the system (I work in the hospital) and I didn't know what to do.

I put on a cheery face and said, "Don't worry Dad, I'm gonna go get the nurse to bring you some more pain meds".  Then I went and found the nurse and rudely demanded said meds.  Then I went and found my sister outside of Tim Hortons and broke down Jack-style:

(I'm crying but I'm trying to be manly and suck it up.)

I can add in all these funny GIFs to make this story more amusing, but the reality is, it wasn't.  It was so hard for me to see my Dad like that;  it was hard for ALL my siblings who came rushing in to see him.  My mom was very cool and collected and great under the pressure, but it is very sobering to see someone you love suffering.

I posted on Facebook a request for prayer for my Dad and the response has been so overwhelming.  People have stood behind us and prayed, helping out the best way that they can.  We found out that my Dad's condition (meningitis) is the better strain to have (viral) and that he will not be in the hospital longer than 10 days.  As the doctors seek to discover the reason for the virus, I think I can safely say that we are all content just knowing he is slowly getting better.

In running to the hospital, staying there for hours, rushing out to grab some things from the stores in the afternoon, I stood in front of the mirror that night and realized there was no make up to remove.  I had spent the day without a trace of makeup on and I hadn't hidden away in the house...  

Sickness and emergencies make you realize that there are things in life that are so much more important.  Perhaps my dad (and my boyfriend) have had a better grasp of that this entire time...or maybe they're just guys who live simply.  At any rate, wear whatever you want on your face, but be confident in your naked beauty.  Hug your dad tonight.  

P.S.  My dad is doing much better although his medications are making him feel worse.  Hopefully he will be home in the next couple days, although perhaps he is enjoying the relative quiet of the hospital compared to home...

Happy (almost) New Year!

So much has changed since this time in 2010.  I remember not having any firm New Year plans, then going over to my friend's house and realizing all over again that New Years means nothing unless you're spending it with someone or people that you love.

In 2010 I was lost and wandering, unhappy with the life I was leading and mistakes I kept making, but feeling powerless to stop myself or find another path to take.   I found contentment in the strangest place, with someone I had no relationship with and who inexplicably fell fully into my life.  We woke up the first morning together and the sun shone so brilliantly through my bedroom window.   
If I could sum up 2011 in a few words it would be:  new experiences.  The entire year feels like a time of experiencing new things that I have never felt or imagined before.  Instead of facing another year with trepidation, I look forward to what is to come, the journeys that are ahead, a bit frightening because they are unforeseeable, yet also exciting.

The animals make me laugh and help me remember that our lives are short and it truly is the little things that count.  Their song and dance with each other, scratching and fighting, Licorice accidentally stepping on Mr. Cat, Mr. Cat fighting back with his claws and then discovering them sleeping together...it amuses me and makes me grateful for my wonderful little family.

My boyfriend reminds me that we come into love not necessarily deserving all the great things it has to offer, but yet being given so much by grace.  Surely there is nothing greater than that:  receiving what is ultimately a gift from each other.  He is my namaste.

Life reminds me that we have the power to choose what we want from it.  We are not bound to one path or one decision that will carve out a future beyond our control...we are not powerless in the face of the unknown.  All that we can do is exist in the here and now and experience the beautiful and terrible things that life gives us.   I struggle with this acceptance a lot, with regards to losing weight and looking "beautiful".   Sometimes it feels like my body is beyond my control and I feel frightened and scared by that concept, but the reality is that I have the power to change my body and to grow in becoming more comfortable within my skin.   My personal challenge to myself for 2012 is to run the 5k Around-The-Bay Race and continue working on my physical fitness levels.

That is all I have today.  I pray and hope that 2012 will be a challenging and fruitful time for myself and for you.
~Peace

what is love?

I had this thought cross my mind today as I was stocking patient charts. 

What is love?

What do I consider love to be?

Is it really love or is it an ideal that I've created in my mind that is skewed?

One of my biggest problems is freaking out and having anxiety attacks over minor issues.  I work myself into a frenzy and literally cannot turn my mind off.  Last night I lay awake on my bed until almost 12 a.m. and considered all the things that could possibly go wrong in my life, financially, physically, relationally, emotionally... I drive myself into negativity, constantly focusing unhelpfully on possible things that could go wrong.

With my brain I rationally know that anything could go wrong.  Every relationship has an aspect of risk, is somewhat of a gamble.  Physically, you never know what could go wrong with your body, how you may need to seek medical attention.  Emotionally we all have scars and demons that we fight with until the day we die. 

What is the point in contemplating these negative things and making myself freak out while I'm sleeping alone at night?
Anyway, back to what I contemplate love to be.

I suppose I consider it to be what my parents have shown and taught me.  My dad is very respectful of my mom.  Of course they would fight--on one occasion she even threw a knife after which we would grab all the kitchen cutlery and hide it when they were getting angry--and they aren't a perfect couple, but one thing my dad has displayed is a respect for my mom.
He would never talk about her and their issues to anyone else because he knew how much that would hurt her.  He told us that he loves her more than he loves us--I know that sounds harsh, but she is the person he plans on spending the rest of his life with, not us his children.
My dad and my mom are individually very frustrating people at times and I have a broken relationship with them at the moment, but they have displayed exemplary behaviour when it comes to persevering in a relationship.

So I guess love means perseverance to me and I've constantly made the mistake of throwing in the towel.   "Ahh, things are getting hard! Woe is me!" *arms windmilling wildly in the air* "I'm giving up!" 
I seem to lack perseverance when it comes to many things, another thing being exercise.  I used to be extremely rigid in my daily routine and now I've just become apathetic and lazy.  I used to stay on top of my finances and now I'm dealing with credit problems because I've been lazy.  I tend to bury my head in the sand when things get overwhelming and scary.

Okay, what else?

I kinda think that love is give and take, each person looking out for the interests of the other.  So, automatically when I want something, I believe that it will be given to me because they love me.  I suppose that's a very flawed way of thinking.  Number one, I shouldn't be considering what I can get from someone, but what I can give to someone.  Generosity and thinking about others tends to distract one from negative thoughts.  Number two, I shouldn't believe that love hinges on what one can give to you or whether they make good on their promises.

And now, I very highly value promises people make me and I think that is because of my parents again.  They made promises to us as children and they failed on multiple times to keep their word.  Each time they changed direction we would cry and say, "But...but...you promised!" as if it was the trump card, but then my dad would say, "I'm human, I make mistakes.  Sorry."  Saying sorry to a twelve year old for not keeping a serious promise doesn't really cut it and it's very hard to forgive.

When people who say they love me make a promise, I expect them to keep it and it hurts me a lot when they don't.  It causes distrust to grow in my heart and forgiveness is very difficult.  It takes me back to when I was a child and how my parents treated me.

Know thyself.  The more I think about these issues, the more light I cast on my current behaviour.  I want to be a good partner, I want to be a person who cares about people around them and I don't want to wallow and focus solely on myself.  I've allowed myself to live in this place of self pity and negativity when really, God has given me the tools to help people and has created me to express and communicate myself to others.  Getting away from sitting at home and contemplating the "what if's" is most likely the key to this situation.  The key to opening the door to change, anyway.

Back to "what is love?"...
It's give and take.
It's keeping promises.
It's also...
...considering the feelings of your partner and acting accordingly. 

I expect and hope the person I'm with to think about how his actions make me feel and to consider thoughtfully before embarking on whatever he chooses to do.  However, that works my way as well.  I should probably stop saying "we need to break up" and start saying "how can we work through this?".  I should consider the fact that when I get upset or cry, it makes him feel bad...it causes him to feel inadequate.

There are so many aspects when it comes to love, it's overwhelming, but I think I'll settled with those three definitions today.

Give and take.
Keeping promises.
Considering each other.

I'm going to continue contemplating what love means to me and hopefully I will be able to see how I can change and get my emotional responses under control.

To lighten up this entry...

My parents stopped by my apartment last night with a couple of my siblings.  They sat with my around the dining room table and we discussed the family reunion we are planning this Saturday. At one point Sue started yelling and defending Josh (who wasn't even there, wtf) and that's how my family is... Loud, annoying, opinionated, dysfunctional, smothering, emotional, and moody.  It was nice to have people there to talk to, even though we may not get along or things may be strained.  I forgot in that moment about my problems.  I stopped obsessing as we tried to trouble shoot the issue of rides.  And then I realized when they left that I need to stop being selfish and stop worrying.

Even lighter...

I woke up this morning around 5 and Licorice was pacing around the bedroom, watching Mr. Cat and I sleeping together on the bed.  I called his name and he jumped effortlessly up on the bed and curled up on the other side of me.  He doesn't just lay beside me...he snuggles up, puts his nose against me and smells me contentedly, rests his head right against my body as if needing the physical comfort.  Sandwiched between the two animals that love me so unconditonally, I felt so peaceful and happy. 
So fuck it, I'm posting more animal pictures because I love them both.

Here's to continuing down the path of self discovery and enlightenment!

Cheers:)