Ramblings

It's funny--no, not "haha" funny, "strange" funny--how we all have life stories that could be created into movies or novels, and how we all have survived some epic emotional relationship or moment that turns us into people we might not recognize.

Struggling through some tumultuous and overwhelming emotions lately, I came to that realization...that we all barely make it through some things that life throws at us. I can feel that I'm the only lonely girl in the world trying to make sense of, well, everything, but nothing could be further from the truth.

There are millions of lonely girls (and boys) who feel the exact same way as I do, but instead of opening ourselves up to each other and attempting to reach each other exactly where we at, we withdraw further into ourselves and find ourselves even lonelier than before.

How do you change and break the cycle of loneliness and self pity? At what point do you decide that enough is enough, and that you aren't living your life fully and joyfully?

...still waiting for answer...


-Marcia

*The Reality of Loneliness/Onset of Life

The fact is, the more you think about it, the more you come to the all-consuming realization that life is about relationships, life is about people, and without those two core ingredients, we feel lonely, unhappy, and depressed. You can't be completely isolated and alone, and be happy. We always need to hear the opinions, thoughts, and feelings of our fellow man, and in turn share our innermost ideas and emotions to someone.

So what do you do when you have no one to talk to, when you feel you cannot trust anyone, when you face the grim prospect of a lonely life?

What happens when you walk everyday the same trail, looking down the tarmac to the stretched out walkway, I wonder often if I will everyday walk that way alone. When will the time come for me to walk with someone, and will I make to that time?

The onset of life is this--you cannot stop time, and it marches on with a frightening consistency, stopping for no man or beast, marching to the beat of it's own drum. Our whole lives revolve around time--minutes, weeks, years, months, and often we wake up and realize that years have gone by, and we don't feel alive.

It's amazing to think of the ability to be outside of time, so that we cannot age, cannot grow old, live eternally. The fountain of youth is a much desired and yearned for myth, for eternity is safer to some people than death.

But if you live your life fully, with honesty, always attempting to do your best, you will come to the end of your life and not be afraid to leave it, but rather, excited to move on to the next venture.

Behold! We are not bound forever to the circles of this life, and beyond them are more than memories.
-Aragorn to Arwyn

Getting Back At Ya

The O.C. has caught me up in it's whirl of Californian (specifically Orange County) drama. Each episode entices me further into it's intrigue and secrets.

So this is what I do. And have been doing for the last 3 days.

Working. Walking. Drinking coffee. Eating here and there. Listening to emo music. Watching The O.C. and other tv shows. Laying on my bed, staring at the ceiling. Surrounding myself with candles. Running, yes actually running. Texting.

Basically doing all things alone. Avoiding people, dodging calls, staying off of Facebook, banishing Skype from my life, relishing the solitude and quiet, and finally no longer having to listen to people who lie, who hurt, who bring pain.

Nothing can compare
to when you roll the dice and swear your love for me.
-Finley Quaye

The one thing I will admit to, is this deep and insatiable craving to be with one person. To have that one and only, to feel love for and from him. Everyday consists of waking up to the stark reality that there is a lack, and loneliness, a vacuum that cries to be filled.