Friday, 13 June 2008

Scattered

It's odd how some songs stick with you forever, and every time you listen to them you think of one night, one occurrence, that is so clearly detailed into your mind. Here's my most recent one:



Collide - Howie Day

The dawn is breaking
A light shining through
You're barely waking
And I'm tangled up in you
Yeah

When I'm open, you're closed
Where I follow, you'll go
I worry I won't see your face
Light up again

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills my mind
I somehow find
You and I collide

I'm quiet you know
You make a first impression
I've found I'm scared to know I'm always on your mind

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the stars refuse to shine
Out of the doubt that fills your mind
You finally find
You and I collide

You finally find
You and I collide
You finally find
You and I collide


What's the memory?
Driving in my car at night with my sister and brother, knowing that the next morning he would be leaving for quite a while, knowing that change is coming whether I want it to or not, and that it will be a big one.
After watching Prince Caspian in a theatre with only two other people, we drove home, loudly discussing the pros and cons of the movie, me all the while thinking that it would be a long time before we would do be doing this kind of stuff again.

(It reminds me that it's the little things in life that are so important, and we really do take them for granted most of the time.)

Our family which has grown and lived so joyfully, loudly, chaotically, and crazily will be splitting into little families, becoming independent, going out into the world. It reminds me of Charlotte's Web actually. I feel sympathy for my mother who has spent her entire life teaching us, nurturing us, loving us, only to have us move away and begin our own lives, separate from hers.

I used to think it was ridiculous that parents would try to hang onto their kids so tightly, but now, even just as a sister, I am reluctant to think of my brothers and sister moving away so far, I cannot have access to them if needed. It certainly is understandable to me now, that mothers would cling to tightly to their children, afraid to let them go, and knowing that when they do, things will never be the same again.

The fact is, even though I may take my siblings for granted or treat them with a casualness that borders on what appears to be a lack of care, the fact is...I am lonely without them. They make me smile, drive me crazy, understand my mind because they're very similar, and I do love them unconditionally because...they are my family. I can't imagine my life without any of them, especially the ones I can treat like adults, talk to as peers.

1 comment:

scarecrowslady said...

*sigh*

Now I feel weepy.... But it's so true... this desire to hang on... even though you know it is not possible. Last night I watched "ROTK"... the goodbye scene once again brought tears to my eyes... but only because I know now the pain of seperation - for real.

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