Wednesday, 23 March 2011

A new dog and a new realization

I adopted a greyhound this past Sunday and the adjustment time has been...well...exhausting and a bit stressful. I already have stomach/digestive issues and the stress over being woken up multiple times overnight by a whining and scared dog isn't helping.

However, despite all the issues that come with acclimating a dog to a brand new environment--peeing in the front hallway is never cool, Mr Dog--I'm still very much enjoying having a larger animal around the apartment. He pads about, following me from the living room to the kitchen to the bathroom to the bedroom and back to the living room. When I settle in one spot he wanders for a bit and then eventually sighs and lays down near me.

So right now I feel completely exhausted. You know the exhaustion that almost seems to pervade your soul and spirit, right down to your inner core? That's how I feel. I feel like I could collapse and sleep for hours and hours on end, but at 7:30 the whining and pacing starts and it's up and outside for the both of us!

Last night I expected to collapse from being so tired. At bedtime I put the dog in his crate and crawled into bed, waiting for sleep to carry me away. I was almost excited to sleep. I was so sure I was going to have the deepest sleep ever!

After half an hour of laying there I had this feeling that something was missing. The front door was locked. The dog was in his crate. Mr Cat had been fed. Sihaam was sleeping in the next bedroom. What was missing?

The feet that touch mine through the night, the hand that I like to fall asleep holding, the breathing sounds from his side of the bed and falling asleep hearing his voice talking to me about a piece of trivia he learned during the week.

Desolation crept in at that realization. I miss him. Even though I had seen him the morning before, I already miss him and it scares me how much. I can't even tell you if it's a need or a want...probably a mix of both. I need and want to see him and be with him. I want to hear his laugh and see his eyes crinkle. I need him beside me when I'm falling asleep.

I hope the want and need doesn't scare him or make him feel like he has to be someone or something that he isn't. We can't complete each other fully no matter how hard we try...but I do know that when he's sleeping beside me, I feel so peaceful and safe. I feel safe.

Such is love. Binding us together in the strangest and deepest ways, intertwined so closely with desire and need.

I want to tell all my friends that I'm with the most amazing guy. The guy who clears the dishes off the coffee table when we're done eating. The guy who kisses me on the forehead and tells me I look beautiful when I'm peeing on the toilet. The guy who tears up a bit when he talks about how much I mean to him. The guy who texts me and asks me to stargaze with him. The guy who somehow knows how I feel even if I don't say anything.

I wonder how I got so lucky and it makes me nervous.

I leave you with a picture of the new dog

and hopefully I'll have left you with even the smallest idea of how amazingly awesome and [wordsfailme] my Person is.

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