Friday, 1 April 2011

craziness AND happiness! yes!

My boyfriend (wow, it still feels so weird to call him that or think of myself as in an official relationship) is the nicest and sweetest person ever. Yesterday he texted me in the afternoon and told me he was getting another tattoo on his leg. I replied a couple hours later with a "can't wait to see it lalala *supportive girlfriend*".

Then I didn't hear from him for hours following. He's always good about replying to my texts, even if it's just with a "thinking of you, babe" (swoon when he calls me "babe"/it's so cute) or a "xoxo".

So when I didn't get any reply for a few hours, I got a bit worried and then pissed. Why oh why? Such a waste of emotional energy, something I'm still learning. I guess it all boils down to lack of trust. Not that I would ever suspect him of cheating--he's such an honest and open person. Honestly, it comes from a lack of security on my part.

I'm constantly wondering why he wants to be with me, convinced he can do better and he'll realize that any day now. It's a silly and stupid way to think, because he's told me over and over again that he loves me, has given me reasons why, has promised to stand by me, and he has never done anything that would lead me to doubt his word. It's my personal issues rearing their ugly heads.

Anyway, at 10:30 or so there's a knock on the door and Sihaam walking around in her bra and underwear tries to make a mad dash for her bedroom. "DON'T OPEN THE DOOR!" she screams dramatically and I head for the front door, assuming it's the neighbour above me complaining (again) about my music being too loud.

"NO DON'T OPEN THE DOOR!!!" she yells again and I ignore her and yank the door open, to find on my apartment doorstep the best thing ever...my boyfriend with a smile on his face that I just can't help smiling back to. Even though a part of me is still mad that he didn't text earlier, it's the best thing ever...having that person show up unexpectedly, a gift handed to you on a silver platter.

I'm more angry at the rush of relief I feel when it he shows up again. I'm angry at myself for doubting him constantly, for putting him through such an emotional rigmarole when he should be with someone who trusts him and believes everything that he says.

"How can I help you trust me more?" he asks the next morning while we're laying in bed together. The dog stirs in his crate and Mr Cat purrs in the bed with us. He's the best. Even just asking me that made me realize (all over again) what an amazing person he is.

Sometimes it feels like he's bewildered by the relationship thing, unsure of what to say or do to help me, but the fact that he tries to help me is enough. I know I'm a bit crazy (bitches be tripping, yo) but he manages to overlook that.

We sit crosslegged on the couch, eat pizza, drink screw drivers, watch Arrested Development and I feel safe and happy because he is who he is. He's smart and funny and sexy and thoughtful. I just love him and I thought everyone should know.

I'M A LUCKY GIRL!!!

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