Friday, 12 August 2011

Cohabitation & call bells

I always over think everything.  Every. Single. Thing.  I wish I could be one of those people who were reckless and did whatever they wanted, whenever they wanted to, but alas, I am not.  All angles must be taken into consideration, all aspects discussed and delved into, every possibility placed rigorously under a microscope for close examination.

The strange thing is, I used to be that type of person--carefree and wild--especially when I was teenager.  I was very free spirited, possibly because I had less worries and responsibilities back in those days.  "Growing up", carrying around the weight of being financially independent and all those other things, changes everyone.   You begin the journey of realization that life isn't simply about creating fun experiences to enjoy--it's also about sacrifice and learning how to be less selfish, becoming more giving to the people you love, making wise choices and taking care of your body.

So obviously, when my Person and I started discussing the very real and imminient possibility of moving in together, I immediately began conjuring up hypothetical scenarios that we would face.  Who would pay for what?  What if either of our friends became too rowdy?  How would we respect each other's belongings?  Who will clean the bathroom?  The kitchen?  What if we fight?  Who is responsible for making meals on what night?  What if either of our friends drink all our liquor and eat our food?  When should be the set time for kicking people out?  What if we start to get on each other's nerves due to being in close proximity to each other on a daily basis?

The minute I had a free moment to myself, I went to Google (the answer to all of life's questions) and typed in "questions to ask before moving in with boyfriend" and voila! Up came all these weird links to Wiki Answers and Yahoo Answers which comprised of questions people had posting asking if three months spent with a boyfriend was a long enough amount of time to be prepared for cohabitation.

Even as I read the questions and the many differing answers, I knew with my head that asking that type of question is ridiculous because each person is different, ergo each relationship is subsequently different.  There is no standard or magical time where one automatically is prepared to embark into a more serious commitment/relationship.  I kept reading though and eventually stumbled upon this:  101 Questions To Ask Your Boyfriend

It was the most bizarre thing I have encountered in a while;  the idea of sitting down with a printed list of 101 questions to ask your significant other seemed strange to me, although I suppose it must work for some people.  The questions vary from serious ("Do you prefer to share finances with your partner or keep it separate?") to very personal ("Is there anything we can do in bed that you think is just wrong?) to bordering ridiculous ("Is cheating ever okay?").  Call me crazy, but I believe that if you're even having to ask those questions looking for a serious answer, your relationship hasn't taken off yet and you definitely shouldn't be considering moving in with them.

(I asked a few of those questions in my head to my Person and was relieved that I felt fairly sure of answers I could predict coming from him.  Perhaps I'll be weird, print off all the questions and make him sit for two hours and answer every single one in great detail.  Especially "Should relationships require work?".)

Moving along with this post which is getting quite lengthy...  After delving through the internet for questions to ask before moving in together, I discovered that according to Canada Statistics, couples who cohabitate before marriage are more likely to dissolve their marital union than couples who don't live together before marriage.

My brain went into overdrive after looking at the statistics and reading articles that expound on why this is the case.  (Stats can be seen here.)  Eventually though, I read a piece that discussed "adverse selectivity".  Here is a small bit from the article:
"Finally, cohabiting relationships and post-cohabiting marriages are at greater risk of dissolution than are marriages not preceded by cohabitation. The last factor is likely due to what researchers call adverse selectivity. That is, these relationships attract people who are more willing to dissolve unsatisfactory relationships, rather than remain in them unhappily."

It's a very interesting point proven, but also makes one wonder about the level of commitment and fidelity our society contains.  Yes, there are people who say they become trapped in loveless relationships, but on the other hand, when does one give up? 

Okay, seriously, enough about relationships, whether long term or explosively short and damaging.  Again, I know with my head that there is no way to predict what might come of the choices we make.  All we can do is move forward, which I think should become my new mantra:  there is no looking back, only moving forward.

Call bells are extremely annoying today, patients ringing every few minutes for the most incredibly unimportant reasons.  I sometimes hear phantom ringing in my head when I'm trying to fall asleep and it's then that I make the resolution once more to find a job that I enjoy doing, not a job that has become a necessity of life.

It's Friday and the eve of my nine days off of work.  Hope you all have a wonderful weekend!

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