Monday, 14 May 2012

Stuck Here



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This is what I'm seeing at work.  It's nice to be working for an organization that uses Internet Explorer 6.  More than ever I feel like it's time for a change, time to move on to another job or another institution.  What I mainly hate about this place is the corporate bullshit.  Schmoozing to move up the ladder, my boss who flexes her power in the worst ways.  Feeling uncomfortable at work, as if every move I make is monitored.

The three reasons why I haven't moved on:

1.  I don't have anything else specifically that I can see myself doing.  I have never been able to define myself clearly as in:  I am a musician.  Or, I am an artist.  Or, I am a scholar.  A doctor.  A nurse.  Instead I just do this job because it was available and because I am reasonably good at it.  If I have nothing else in mind, what else would I move on to?

2.  I need the money.  It sounds so cold and I feel bad that I exchanged possible dreams for reality of cold hard cash...but I need it.  I have a dog and a cat, an apartment, bills, I need to eat and clean my clothes... that's the reality right there.  I have to survive and I'm doing it as best as I can.  I can't conscience up and quitting my job without another one lined up at the same salary.

3.  I enjoy most of my co-workers.  There are a few here and there that have made my life difficult or caused me some grief, but I do believe that happens in every workplace and the ones who are nice make the job bearable.  I've hung out with many of them outside of work and most are kind and good people.  When we're having fun, talking and enjoying ourselves, the work and this place is bearable.  The fluorescent lights seem that less bright and the air isn't so dry when we're laughing.

So here I am.  I think that I might be here in ten years, writing the same things down and having similar thoughts...OR....my somewhat pipe dream...opening my own cafe and working for myself.  We shall see.  Life is exciting and boring at the same time.

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