"Room"

"Room"
by Emma Donoghue

“Room” is a captivating novel, no pun intended. The story is told through the unique perspective of five year old Jack who we quickly learn is living a one room: Room, spelled with a capital “R”, a technique repeated through out the book--there is also “Rug”, “Wardrobe” and “Table”. The exact reason why Jack and Ma are living in Room is not immediately explained, but there is an obvious overtone of fear and evil. Jack describes the living situation and their daily tasks in his childish voice, which is probably what makes the novel so compelling.


Without spoiling any future readers, Ma becomes forced to tell Jack the truth about the outer world and he struggles to grasp why the world functions the way it does. Both Ma and Jack are thrust into the harsh realities of a life outside Room, and it becomes apparent that Jack finds the world colder, preferring to be kept captive in Room.

The book is basically split into two sections that I would explain as: Room and Outer World. The first section is interesting but also cringe-worthy at times, such as when we discover that Jack is five but still breast feeds. He counts the creaks of the bed when their captor comes for his nightly visits. One becomes immersed very deeply in their plight in Room.

The second section would perhaps have been better written from the aspect of Jack AND Ma. Instead, the writer opts to remain in Jack’s perspective and write about his understanding of Ma taking pills and trying to fall asleep forever. Being inside of her head after being freed from their prison would probably have been compelling than carrying on simply as Jack. However, I do understand that the driving force of the book is the attempt to view kidnappings from the eyes of the children born in these situations.
The author Emma Donoghue wrote Room while being influenced by stories such as Jaycee Lee Dugard’s, held captive for eighteen years in a man’s backyard. The crime of kidnapping and imprisonment has been a larger topic in our media due to such stories and this book is a reflection of that. I would recommend “Room” as enthralling novel that is very easy to get pulled into, but be warned: the subject is not light even when told through the eyes of a five year old.

too feeling & wisdom teeth

Since ever and ever, since the beginning of my existence, I have been overflowing with emotion.

I remember as a child, being spanked as punishment for some act of disobedience or defiance, and my greatest dismay was that I could not control my tears.  The pain was manageable and was not caused the overflowing and crying...I simply felt too much emotion in the moment.  My parents anger and disappointment with me, the actual act of discipline and judgment, and then eventually my dad's putting his arm around my shoulder and hugging me, saying he just wanted me to learn and that he loved me.

For a child, spanking can be a confusing thing and I had enough ups and downs of emotions as it was.  As I grew into being a teenager, I began to feel things even more acutely.  My clothing didn't reflect the current trends and made me feel inferior to my peers; I could never truly grasp that what mattered was the inside of us, not the exterior clothing and appearance that is judged so quickly.  My mother didn't understand me and constantly berated my love and reliance on my friends and not my parents--I suppose she felt slighted by my rejection of her advice and thoughts.  Teenagers can be incredibly callous, self centered and selfish. 

Now into adulthood, I consider my emotional responses to difficult situations and truths I have faced, from being a child right into "growing up".  When I argue with my boyfriend, my first reaction is to start crying, whether I really want to or not.  In a way, it feels like a sweet release, but I also experience vulnerability knowing that he has seen me at my worst and knows me through and through.  Sometimes I worry that my crying is a subconscious way of manipulating him to get what I want and perhaps at times it is, but it's also often impossible to stem.  I get upset, I cry.  Some people get upset and yell or punch things or go for long walks...I cry.

I will never forget wise words I once heard someone say:  your emotions should be the caboose of your train, not the engine.  When we let our emotions drive us or propel us forward, normally we make stupid choices because we are so caught up in the moment, we aren't thinking rationally and are unable to realize that in a few hours we will most likely feel very differently.  What I would like to achieve in 2012 is less of the crying and saying dumb things rashly and more contemplating my reaction.  It's hard to try to change what seems so integral in you, but there it is...growing up and being less feeling and more thoughtful.


On a side note:  I had a 3-d xray done a couple years ago of my wisdom teeth.  At that point I had an emergent need to get one of them out as it had gone septic.  The dentist had mentioned back then that my two lowers were beginning to impact and now I think I'm feeling the full force of it.  My jaw is achey, my throat feels swollen and I sometimes feel light-headed from drinking or eating.  My gag reflex seems to be triggered constantly and I have headaches every day.  This isn't typical for me so I think the teeth are causing something to mess up and I'll have to get another xray done, hopefully this Saturday. 

Blegh.  It's always one things or another.  I just want to feel okay and be myself again.  Instead, while I'm sitting in the movie theatre about to watch Tintin in 3-D (wonderful movie btw, definitely a must see), I start to feel light-headed and anxious.   It sucks balls.

Hopefully it'll get sorted out.
Cheers.

The Best of 2011

As each new year rolls around, we always find ourselves considering the year passed, the things we have accomplished and are proud of, secrets we have kept, new friends we have made, changes and growth, all kinds of experiences both good and bad...

There are a few moments and experiences in 2011 that have stuck with me throughout it all. 

-Meeting M.  It was not the stuff of fairy tales or romance novels.  We met at a bar/club through my brother and things basically moved forward from what could have been a passing moment.  Being in a relationship throughout this year has been the most growing and challenging thing I have ever experienced.  I have been stretched to my limits with learning to accept M for who he is and becoming more self aware with regards to my own flaws and weaknesses.  I am constantly realizing that love is a choice not simply a feeling and it has been quite a journey for both of us.

-Paying off one of my credit cards.  My New Years resolution at the beginning of 2011 was to become debt free for 2012.   Unfortunately, I haven't been able to completely fulfil that resolution, but I did manage to make a settlement with one of my credit cards companies and paid off the outstanding debt in three whopping bills.  It was a very stressful year financially and I have two more cards I need to clear off, but I'm confident now that there is a way to fix these credit issues and 2012 will be the year to become debt free.

-Adopting Licorice.  Bringing a new member into the family is both a joy and a time of chaos.  Licorice settled reasonably well and although we had one unfortunate episode of explosive diarrhea while driving down the car pool lane on a highway, growing to know Licorice has been an enjoyable and awesome experience.  He brings to our little family an excitement and just adds that extra spark.  Mr. Cat doesn't know what to do with him half the time...I don't even know what to do with him...but he's fantastic.

-Moving to a beautiful apartment.  In February of 2011, my sister and I moved to a wonderful, spacious, brightly lit apartment closer to my work.  It now takes both of us three minutes to walk across the street and to our work places, which is awesome for early morning shifts.  Roll outta bed, brush the hair, slap on some light make up and waddle over to the hospital.  On top of that, we have a trail the runs along the edge of the escarpment where Licorice gets his walks and we're close to the downtown stores and restaurants.  When I was younger I always had this idea in my head of what I wanted from life and it was strange because it consisted of concepts like living in a walk up apartment in a trendy neighbourhood.  It's not exactly trendy like Locke St or James St N, but the area I live in is very nice, I have a beautiful apartment (it IS a walk up) and I'm sad to report that they are converting our apartments into condos and soon I will be forced to find a new place to live.
Sadness...lots of sadness.  Usually once a day I go on Kijiji and try to find places to look at, but I have been forced to admit that I probably will never find another apartment as beautiful as my current one.  Depressing but true.


Those are the main highlights of this past year. I know it doesn't seem like much, but for someone like me, this has been a year of big changes and experiences for me.  Here's to 2012 and more growth!