Now I believe I was being saved for Matthew. You go around being with loads of different people and you give them your all, you give them your most passionate love over and over...slowly the extent of your passion diminishes and you become more reluctant to invest in a person completely. I was blessed to not experience heart break like that before I met Matthew. I had never dated anyone before him, had never suffered through a break up or "broken heart".
What I was shocked to discover when we started dating was that such a person like him even existed. He was gentle, he was kind, he was thoughtful and he laughed at all my jokes. It's not easy to find someone that you feel no awkwardness with or someone you can talk to about everything, but I have been blessed with Matt. We probably over share at times, but it seems impossible not to. He has made me feel completely comfortable about being myself in front of him and yes, that includes farting.
But more recently, I have been delighted to pray with Matt and reach out toward God. Our spiritual journey has been interesting and I'm discovering that many of my beliefs are only intact because I was trained to believe in them. With Matt, I realize that I need to believe in God not out of fear and not out of necessity, but out of true faith which is of course birthed in love. So I am learning from Matt and he is learning from me...
In life there are no certainties. I know that Matt could die or he could leave. We can never entirely control or predict what another person will do, but I feel peace that I believe comes of God. If he does go, I believe God will bring him back. We were meant to meet and be together.