Promises & Runs

"I promise I will love you for the rest of your life..."  Yesterday Matt knelt before me on the living room floor and held out a silver Celtic knot ring, tears in each of our eyes.  No, we're not engaged or getting married any time soon, but there is something heart-stirring about declaring your love for someone in a piece of jewelry, no matter what size, shape, make or cost.  He slid the ring onto my finger and we hugged, cried, laughed and held each other.

Sometimes thing are really tough.  Sometimes you wonder why you're doing it.  Sometimes you pray for strength to keep on keeping on because you don't know what else to do.  Sometimes the days seem long and the minutes stretch out into hours.   Sometimes you're laughing, smiling at each, at peace and in love.  Relationships are probably the most up and down, in and out, head-over-heels thing we will ever do in our lives.

I won't be the first or the last person to say it, but...it's worth it.  The fighting, the crying, the anger and tension...all these things are just temporary and eventually lead into laughing and happiness.  You gotta take the good with the bad, the happy with the sad.

Licorice and I went out for a 3.5k run today.  We stopped at a water fountain to cool off and I am currently enjoying the heat & sweat.  Nothing feels more legit than sweating during a work out.  I will also be posting some photos soon of a bike I bought yesterday!  We went for almost a 10k ride last night and now my bottom is very sore today.  Not looking forward to going in to work in a couple hours....fee fie foe fum on my desk job!

running and thoughts

Ok, I somehow found the energy to go for a run tonight, despite the fact that it's something like 32 degrees Celsius outside, plus the notorious Hamilton humidity that blankets this city.  (It's supposed to get even warmer by Thursday this week.  Dear God, please magically install my window A/C unit.)  Anyway, Licorice and I ran for almost an hour.  Honestly, at one point I thought I was going to pass out.  I got this huge stitch in my side and starting having problems inhaling deeply.  Such is life in a smoggy and humid city. 


Now I'm sitting at home enjoying this:

I may (or may not) have stolen that glass from a Montana's.


Yesterday Licorice and I enjoyed the sweet summer night at the dog park:

Driving up a street towards the sunset:

And the final precious moments before dark, when all is still:

Wow, I went off on a huge tangent there.  Back to the beginning!
I was running with Licorice and as we were panting down a deserted back street this song by The Killers came on:

Who doesn't kinda love The Killers?
But the thing that caught my attention were the lyrics:

You sit there in your heartache 

 Waiting on some beautiful boy to   

To save you from your old ways 

You play forgiveness  

Watch it now  

Here he comes  

He doesn't look a thing like Jesus 

But he talks like a gentleman 

Like you imagined 

When you were young

I've heard the song many times, but each and every time it resonates within me and probably within thousands of people like me...people who grew up going to church, were taught that there was only one acceptable way of life, who were told that their life destination was to meet someone, have kids, be a great mother and wife and eventually grandmother until the circle of life was complete.


Why did I believe that?  Probably because I was brought up so strongly in that faith and belief system and I don't believe it's completely wrong.  There is joy in being a helpmate to someone, to having children and watching them grow up.  These are all natural qualities of being a human, but somehow so many of us Christians become so caught up in the "finding Mr. Right", that when he does come along, he's also expected to be Mr. Perfect because the anticipation has caused such a build up of unrealistic expectations.


It's a lesson I'm learning every day...attempting to combat what has been taught me since childhood...that the person I'm with should be the most important thing that will happen to me in my life.  How easy it can become to abandon one's personal interests in order to accommodate a partner into one's life.


The conclusion I arrive at (and I end up here every time) is that A) no one is perfect and the sooner we quit expecting someone to be, the happier and more accepting we will be and B) I need to continue being Marcia and not just consider myself as part of two now.  There still needs to be Marcia who is just herself.


Find a way to develop yourself.   I'm going to as well.


P.S.  As a final note...The best thing about being in a relationship is the fact that you have someone to talk to at any point in time.  I mean, I’m sure sometimes our minds wander while the other person is talking, but for the most part it’s fairly awesome to be able to rest beside someone and be completely at ease and content.  Peace.

Running.

Or should I say, jogging.
Now that I've started, I'm pushing myself to go further, and I find that I cannot stop.

I went for a walk last night, and while it was quite cold out, and I found myself only wanting to walk, I inevitably picked up the pace to a slow jog, and maxed myself out more than I have ever before.

This was my m.o. (for the military ignorants, modus operandi).
I jogged for 3 minutes, walked for 4, jogged for 5 minutes, walked for 4. Ran 300+ stairs, then jogged intermittently back. I managed to jog the final lap for about 9 minutes straight, which is a huge record.

I've learned a couple things from starting this jogging exercise.

-You have to keep focused and centered. I know this sounds odd, but when I'm jogging, I try not to think about the end or how much further I have to go, but I turn up the iPod, and let the music flood my soul. It's just me and the beats.
-You have to pace yourself. I found when I first started jogging, I was pushing myself too strenuously, and wasn't in it for the endurance run. Now that I've pulled myself back and only allowed myself to go at a slower pace, I find that I can jog longer without tiring myself out.
-You have to make a choice. I have days when I'm exhausted and when I just want to lay down and pass out, but I make the choice to go and jog. Once you get out there and start jogging, you find you want to do it more and more. But you have to keep up on it. Either you jog all the time and keep in the routine, or you don't do it at all. It's like most things in life...you have to keep on top of it or it won't work.
-You shouldn't run on tarmac. Unfortunately this is the only place that I can run right now, but I'm looking for different options, different places to start jogging. The waterfront is nice because it's picturesque and isn't as boring as, say, running a track. But I know that my knees won't be able to take extensive exercise on the tarmac, so eventually I've have to find another place to jog.
-You shouldn't beat yourself up if you don't excel. Even if one day you can barely find the energy to walk, let alone run, at least you got out there and got some form of exercise. Every little bit counts.

I just realized that I must sound like some freakish jock, but I've come to the realization that losing weight isn't easy. I want to be a healthier person, so I'm choosing to change my lifestyle, to adapt to new choices that I have to make. It's hard to persevere sometimes, and I'll admit that I was quite discouraged last week about my performance, but we all start with baby steps. It's the endurance that counts!