Saturday, 1 March 2008

Away From Here

What exactly is malcontent?

From recent experience, I would say a general unhappiness with surrounding situations, circumstances, and people is the very characterization of malcontentedness.

For, I find myself increasingly restless with who I am, how I live my life, and where I will go from here. It is becoming more and more apparent to me that I need to take wing, and do something more, or even something different with my life.

And everyday, the feeling grows stronger and stronger.
I start to feel as though I may be suffocating where I am.
I am desperately scratching away the surface, the facade that seems to have glued me to this spot.

Wherever I am, truth is hidden. I'm walking a path where I feel alone and unsure.
While I desperately long to be close to people, to share my hopes, dreams, and fears, I am more frightened of the vulnerability that follows.

Perhaps I have lost my ability to relate to people deeply and profoundly.
Perhaps I have grown out of the habit of caring for other people.
Perhaps I decaying in myself, disintegrating in who I think I should be.

But for whatever, my mind is convinced that being away from here, away from who I am and how things are, will save my sanity.

Far below the surface, my heart speaks up and disagrees, telling me I can only be happy when I accept what life has given me.

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