I sit with an elastic band intertwined through my fingers, stretching it, pulling it, expanding it's capacity, and ultimately testing it's limit.
I can almost visualize love, winding it through my heart, my being, taking it and pulling it, yanking it, examining it's capacity, testing it's limit.
We want to know the people we love will be here for us through the storms and difficult times, so we almost create storms in order to test their love. We're difficult, rude, obnoxious, pretend to dislike them, while secretly, inwardly hoping with bated breath, that they'll come through for us, that their love is stronger than circumstances, that we won't be able to drive them away no matter what we do.
The people who we trust the most, the people who we love the most, are the people we hurt the most, the people we can say anything to, the people we can be 100% transparent with.
And so, testing love becomes a sort of life habit. Everyone who comes near is put through a rigorous trial, and many do not pass because we almost don't want them to.
We justify our behaviour as self-preservation. We have to find out who we can truly trust, and this becomes our lie-detector. We can trust the people who stick with us through our worst moments.