Monday, 12 May 2008

How It Is

I feel so sad and weary of life tonight/this early morning.

I know it's narcissistic and wearying to speak of oneself, but I feel I need to say this.

I feel as though people leave me, and that my whole life consists of people walking in, taking what they want, and walking out, leaving me stuck in a place, where I'm unsure of whether to rebuild, or wait for them to return.

Even those who I am not close with, who I occasionally make thoughtful conversation with, I miss them although I rarely speak to them.

I miss people I barely know, I miss people I've grown close to, I miss people who I've always had access to but simply get at arms length.

I'm a so tired of living with this instability, not knowing who to trust, or how to trust anymore, afraid to meet new people and make new friendships because they will ultimately leave.

This is all I know. Sarcasm and distrust to protect myself from you hurting me.

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