Monday, 13 April 2009


This is the trouble, the crazy thing about life.  Hope.
Even though we may be torn apart and the situation may seem irredeemable,  we still somehow manage deep inside of us to hope that things will sort themselves, and eventually the situation will turn into something beautiful or healthy.
I think of all those people in WWII who waited and waited and hoped for their freedom.  They somehow managed to believe that change would have to occur, because that was all they had.
So what if I have nothing, and hope is all that have?  Will I have spend all this time waiting and hoping for things to change?
Because even though hope is what keeps us alive, and keeps us looking forward to the future, sometimes to me it simply feels like torture.  Hope feels me with "what coulds" and "what ifs", where I would prefer there to be no expectations.
Expectations mean that you will inevitable be let down (especially by other people), and nothing hurts more than the let down, even if it as gentle as possible.
Even though I try to quench the hope, it still dreams and beat underneath the surface of my being.  As I drive my car to nowhere hoping to escape from everything, underneath there is this niggling hope that things will get better and that I will find a way to or from this problem.  
What do we have if we  don't have hope?  I think just a bleak, unimaginative future that presents no surprise or possibilities.  What do we have when we do have hope?  We have this ever growing belief that circumstances will improve.
I can't which one I would choose, if I could choose. 

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