I think spring brings out the best in me, which is sad considering it is simply a state of mind, rather than a tangible occurrence/situation.
However, without fail, every February, I start hit the end of my tether. I've started to understand why people escape to Florida and other tropical areas for vacation mid-winter. The older I get, the worse it becomes...the winter blues. I found myself quite hostile this year, especially at work. I was barely making it through shifts, getting frustrated and annoyed with my coworkers and situations that were occurring. Literally, every single shift, I found myself about lose my mind in anger and...I'll admit it...fantasies that involved guns and a kick assing of mega proportions.
But now, with April passing by, the days becoming warmer and longer, the air starting to smell like spring, and the fact that all my windows are left wide open day and night, I feel so happy and relaxed and calm.
I may as well be flying high. That's how hopeful and happy I feel at this point. Even now, I'm just over 11 hours into my shift, and I feel no anxiety or exhaustion or anger...I just feel happy I have a job and that I'm sitting here typing on a functioning computer, and that I will soon be going out with my friend to see a great movie in my car that I love.
It's indescribable, this sense of peace that I am currently experiencing. In fact, the fire alarms could probably go off, a S.W.A.T. could storm down the halls, four Code Blues could be called, and I still would be undefeated in my optimism at this point.
There has been a turning point over this weekend, despite the fact that it was emotionally draining. I feel happy and peaceful and calm in myself.
As I was walking down the hospital hall today, I had this one line running through my mind:
the Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want
I shall not want.
How often do we get caught up in the material things of this life, when what we really need is to sit back and think about all the things we DO have (health, family, a house, a car) and be thankful for them. Really and truly thankful, not just a passing thought.
That's all for now.