Thankful for...

As summer comes to a close this Friday (it's officially autumn on September 23), I ponder the past summer, all the experiences I had and memories I made, people I spent time with and people I missed...and I feel a rush of gratitude to God and the universe for all of it, including--

A fun few days of camping.  The weather was wonderful, we didn't get eaten alive my mosquitoes, we picked up several items for ridiculously cheap at a Sally Ann, Licorice was fine without us, we learned that we can get along even when stuck together for several days on end and...sex in a tent.  Need I say more?

Licorice's cute little quirks.  As time passes, Mr. Greyhound becomes more and more outgoing and I can see his personality shining through.  He carries about his stuffed animals like little babies, although tearing them apart and shaking them violently probably isn't great parenting.  He enjoys his time at the dog park still, is becoming very good at recall (for those who don't know these terms--coming back to owner when called off-leash), his new dog food is agreeing with him and his coat looks great...all these things make me relieved as it's easy to get stuck with a dog that is difficult to manage.  I'm already craving another grey to make a pair, but I'm scared that the next dog won't be a walk in the park as Licorice has been.

Cooking!  I've just rediscovered my love for cooking, healthy and hearty meals such as stews, soups, fish...My personal fav was cornmeal breaded chicken breasts stuffed with jalapeno Havarti cheese.  It's also great to save money by eating out less and I definitely feel healthier. 

Farmer's Market!  This is of course directly linked to cooking, but I've fallen in love with going to the farmer's market downtown and buying fresh produce!  I love having veggies in the fridge that aren't frozen or canned!  I probably use fresh onions every single day, especially with my favourite meal...omelets.

Omelets... I'm so grateful for omelets.  They're tasty and easy to change up.  I've made omelets with assorted veggies, meats, toppings...name it and we've made it!  I still need to purchase an authentic omelet pan (making the flipping over easier) but I'm still loving on making omelets.  Such delicious and wholesome foods :D

Matt. Well, when you get into a relationship, you inevitably tend to become a bit obsessed with the person you're with.  I've been through that with Matt, am still somewhat going through it although I try not to talk about him a lot to people... so here it is in my blog which you are reading right now and can't STOP READING! Haha!  I just love this man so much. 
He's taught me so many things about myself and continues to grow and change with me.  He's willing to sacrifice for the sake of our relationship, he cooks and cleans, he encourages me to pursue my dreams and faith... I know I've talked about him a lot on this blog (due to avoiding boring people with accolades of him) and I just can't stop!  I'm so happy, so grateful, so blessed...that the first person I'm in a relationship with is someone like Matt. 

Sex.  Heh.  Sex is awesome, especially with someone you love and who loves you back. 

Bon Iver.   I love him and I love his new CD "Bon Iver".  Go buy it and support an artist.  You will love it especially if you lean towards folk/indie music.



This is all for now!  I could list many more things that I am grateful for... Instead I'll hold them inside and treasure each memory I have made this summer. 

Be thankful, be blessed.

P.S.  Meeting alone with my dad next week, he says just to catch up.  Translation: wants to ask if I still believe in God, wants to know how I'm sinning, wants me to somehow justify my lifestyle choices to him.  I refuse to participate in a debate about whether I'm a Christian or not, and I feel weird about not wanting to meet with him.  Do I somehow feel guilty about my relationship choices?  Well... perhaps a bit because it's so ingrained and I would like to avoid confrontation...
Ah well.  Such is life in Christian circles.

Lent, God & faith

"Becoming by grace what God is by nature..." -St Athanasius

Lent is a Catholic tradition/ritual that has crossed over to other denominations. Even though I don't celebrate the Catholic faith (salvation by works is a daunting belief), I do enjoy the period of self sacrifice and fasting from some type of activity or enjoyment. The word "lent" comes a Germanic word for "springtime" and that's an interesting way to view the weeks leading up to Easter--as a time for a type of spiritual spring cleaning...fasting from the things that might clutter up your faith or your belief system.

The idea of becoming more godly (or Godlike) is an intriguing concept as well. How much do I even know or understand God? I do believe that He exists but how I personally interact with Him is a different discussion. What does it mean to me to become more godly?

Ultimately I think it comes down to self renewal and growth. It's a time for one to look at their life and assess habits or attitudes that might stand in the way of said growth and change, which is why it's usually a good idea to sacrifice something that could be considered a vice or a negative habit in ones life.

Anyway, this Lent I've decided to give up desserts. It's a tough call because there's nothing like going out for a slice of cake with friends or snacking on cookies. In some ways I feel like I pussied out because I should have given up something that would be much more difficult to do without--listening to music, for example. Or no Internet.

I wonder sometimes how much my faith is one of convenience...and I wonder how this convenience has compromised the authenticity of it. Shouldn't devout Christians be willing to give up everything for the God that they worship and love?

I guess we're all in development, constantly being perfected and growing, and I think it would be good for everyone to go through this type of self examination... We can get too comfortable with the way that we are and close ourselves off to changing.

But hey, those are just my random thoughts of the day. That and--my sister broke up with her boyfriend yesterday afternoon. I came home from work to a dark apartment, her curled up in a fetal position in bed, Mr. Cat awkwardly sitting outside her door as if waiting for me to come home and talk to her.

"How did it go?" I ask, standing at the end of her bed.
"Hard," she says. "It was hard to see him cry..." Her voice trails off and she turns away toward the wall.
I feel a twinge of fear as I consider how much I care about the guy in my life and how I would feel if I was in the same situation.

Grace...I have yet to learn the true meaning of that word in my life. It's something to contemplate, for sure.

May you be blessed through this spring, a time of change/renewal/growth/new life, whether you believe in God or not, whether you celebrate Easter and the Lenten period or not, whether you are living with doubts or walking in complete and utter faith.

Peace.

Spring serenity

I think spring brings out the best in me, which is sad considering it is simply a state of mind, rather than a tangible occurrence/situation.

However, without fail, every February, I start hit the end of my tether. I've started to understand why people escape to Florida and other tropical areas for vacation mid-winter. The older I get, the worse it becomes...the winter blues. I found myself quite hostile this year, especially at work. I was barely making it through shifts, getting frustrated and annoyed with my coworkers and situations that were occurring. Literally, every single shift, I found myself about lose my mind in anger and...I'll admit it...fantasies that involved guns and a kick assing of mega proportions.

But now, with April passing by, the days becoming warmer and longer, the air starting to smell like spring, and the fact that all my windows are left wide open day and night, I feel so happy and relaxed and calm.

I may as well be flying high. That's how hopeful and happy I feel at this point. Even now, I'm just over 11 hours into my shift, and I feel no anxiety or exhaustion or anger...I just feel happy I have a job and that I'm sitting here typing on a functioning computer, and that I will soon be going out with my friend to see a great movie in my car that I love.

It's indescribable, this sense of peace that I am currently experiencing. In fact, the fire alarms could probably go off, a S.W.A.T. could storm down the halls, four Code Blues could be called, and I still would be undefeated in my optimism at this point.

There has been a turning point over this weekend, despite the fact that it was emotionally draining. I feel happy and peaceful and calm in myself.

As I was walking down the hospital hall today, I had this one line running through my mind:
the Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want

I shall not want.

How often do we get caught up in the material things of this life, when what we really need is to sit back and think about all the things we DO have (health, family, a house, a car) and be thankful for them. Really and truly thankful, not just a passing thought.

That's all for now.

Good Friday

All for love the Father gave
For only love could make a way
All for the love the heavens cried
For Love was crucified

Oh, how many times
Have I broken Your heart?
Still you forgive
If only I ask
And how many times have You heard me pray,
"Draw near to me"

Everything I need is You
My beginning, my forever
Everything I need is You

Let me sing "all for love"
And I will join the angel song
Ever holy is the Lord
King of Glory
King of all

Oh, how many times
Have I broken Your heart?
Still Your forgive
If only I ask
And how many times have You heard me pray
"Draw near to me"

Everything I need is You
my beginning, my forever
Everything I need is You

All for love a Saviour prayed:
"Abba Father, have Your way
Though they know not what they do
Let the cross draw men to you"


[All For Love]Hillsong United




Good Friday is truly a time for meditation and pondering on the gift of grace and life that Christ has given us with his remarkable sacrifice.
As it says in the Bible, it's so easy to sacrifice yourself for someone good who is of some worth. How much harder it is to do so for someone who is despicable.
However, the grace of God looks past our sins and weaknesses and judges us all equal...sinners in need of a Saviour.
Take this moment, even if you do not believe in Jesus/God...take this moment to think of the sacrifices that people have made, modeling that choice upon the greatest sacrifice of all...Jesus.

The Character Flaws

We all have these not so charming character flaws that we will undoubtedly carry with us as a part of our persona, for all of our lives.
They are as inherent to us as breathing.
We criticize without second thought, judging as spontaneously as we breathe.
We procrastinate, putting off things that need to be completed for another day, then fall behind in our tasks, often blaming others.
We jump to conclusions, act out of anger, are impatient, our selfishness consumes us through and through, and we lack virtues and play with our vices.

My personal hubris--lack of self discipline.
Even the smallest deviation from the routine I have set for myself end in disastrous results. It may be work related, with shirking responsibilities that require completion. But mostly, my lack of self discipline is obvious in my personal life.
Unless I stay vigilant with my sleeping and waking, unless I monitor everything I eat, and unless I force myself to go out and run no matter how tired I may feel, I fall behind on the wayside of binging and laziness.

The most frustrating thing about character flaws in that we will fight them for our entire lives. They never depart from us, and we are forever lost in this inner struggle that at times is easy, and at times the most difficult thing we face. We may win one battle of selfishness, greed, or gluttony, but the next day, week, month, year, we face the same problems. We fight to be kind, to be patient, to show sympathy, to be self disciplined, to be good.

It's depressing to think that while we carry at common grace that we display at times to our fellow men, at heart we have the ability to carry murder and jealousy as old as Cain and Abel.

Being aware of the flaws we have is a step in the right direction, but it is not enough. It's in the daily struggle, the daily fight to be a better person, that we find ourselves.
It is in falling down and admitting, "I can't get up without Your help...I won't get up without Your help...I won't go without You beside me...", yes it is in those moments that we can change. We might carry the ability to rude, hurtful, boastful, and proud, but we reject that ability and opt to live a changed person.

Of course it isn't easy to change our character, and we'll always fight with who we are, but it's the fighting that makes us who we are.

Let The Rain Fall

The thunder is crashing, lightening flickering, and yet a sense of peace is more imminent now than it has ever been.

Thunderstorms remind me that there will always be storms in our lives -- we are guaranteed them. But even the storms consistency is a comfort.

As a child, I found these storms to be alarming. During the most severe storms when I feared that lightening was about to split through the roof of the house, I would inevitably leap from my bed, and meet my siblings in the hallway or living room, where we would eventually make our way to my parents bedroom for reassurance.

And that is what I believe God wants us to do. In moments when we feel as though the lightening may rip through what shelters us, when we need a comforting word or promise from someone greater and stronger than us, we need to turn to God for our hope and comfort.

Sans Passion

Nothing is stimulating or interesting right now.
The only pressing truth is that this summer is possibly going to be the most ridiculously hot summer ever.
It is only the beginning on June, and it already feels like beach weather.

In an attempt to comb out my thoughts into a somewhat orderly fashion, I sit and wonder at the things of life, trying to fashion out some sort of thesis on the meaning of life.

Although we live to glorify God as the catechism put it so clearly, it seems as though sometimes that isn't enough.
Blasphemous? Maybe. It's not that I feel that we should forget God, put Him on the back burner, or relegate Him to our scheduled and routine prayer/devotional times.
But at times it would appear to me that God may be a tad narcissistic, which of course is impossible, because a holy and perfect God could not be narcissistic, as that is a negative character trait.

The point is (or lack thereof) that at times even though Christianity and our relationship with God is supposed to feel like enough, it quite simply doesn't.
How does one practically change, allowing God to become their main focus in life?
I'm sure that is has something to do with the renewing of ones mind.

The issue that I believe so many Christians face is that there is often no practical guide to acting on their beliefs.
Cliched statements like "pray through it" and "just believe" are often not enough to assist in making life changes and moving from the current state into something more godly and more focused.
So where is the aid for Christians who may feel as though they are failing, as though they just don't have that spark anymore?
Where is the practical assistance?
How can we help make changes?

At times, I wonder what draws people to Christianity, and what keeps them there.
It can be confusing and frustrating.
At times, we can only cling to the faintest faith we have, and hope fiercely that God will somehow show Himself to us in a clearer way.
At times, we can only wait for things to clear, for the storm to pass, for our eyes to be opened to the things that God is trying to show us, tell us.

For some reason that brings to mind this old gospel song that my vocal teacher taught us:
Have courage my soul, and let us journey on
Though the night is dark, and I am far from home
Thanks be to God! the morning light appears
The storm is passing over, the storm is passing over
The storm is passing over, hallelujah!

Perhaps the simple answers to the questions of life would be to cease the questionings (even if only temporarily) and to listen more intently. Sometimes it seems like the voices inside my head will drown out the truths that so desperately need to be heard. And so, at times, acceptance of lifes difficulties and frustrations is better, as opposed to thrashing about uselessly like a dying fish, accomplishing nothing, only tiring oneself.

This Is The First Post

from my new laptop! Isn't that too exciting? Okay, I'll admit, I didn't go high-quality but cheaped out for an Acer, but so far (well for the past couple hours anyway) I've been learning a new computer all over again. It's kinda fun, although I doubt anything will ever replace my beautiful desktop.

Here's what I've started doing again recently...reading. Books from the library. And I have to say, there are a lot of rubbish books out there. I took out three this past week, and I would only recommend one of those. The other two were complete wastes of time! In conclusion, I stress this to you dear reader...Avoid James Patterson. Run away from any of his novels, even if it's the last thing that you could ever read in your life! RUN AWAYYY!!!!!

I wrote this early this morning...
4:30 a.m. The rain starts falling, gently in a hushed chorus, washing down the windows and streets. It brings a promise of renewal and hope. Fresh air blows through the apartment, cooling the heat of closed walls. Refeshing comes at unexpected times, in unexpected forms. Praise be to God our Father, who gives freely and abundantly; who loves wholly and completely; who waits patiently and steadily; who fills utterly to overflowing. His love is like the rain...it washes over us, bringing peace, cooling our heated spirits, filling us with hope.

*The Reality of Loneliness/Onset of Life

The fact is, the more you think about it, the more you come to the all-consuming realization that life is about relationships, life is about people, and without those two core ingredients, we feel lonely, unhappy, and depressed. You can't be completely isolated and alone, and be happy. We always need to hear the opinions, thoughts, and feelings of our fellow man, and in turn share our innermost ideas and emotions to someone.

So what do you do when you have no one to talk to, when you feel you cannot trust anyone, when you face the grim prospect of a lonely life?

What happens when you walk everyday the same trail, looking down the tarmac to the stretched out walkway, I wonder often if I will everyday walk that way alone. When will the time come for me to walk with someone, and will I make to that time?

The onset of life is this--you cannot stop time, and it marches on with a frightening consistency, stopping for no man or beast, marching to the beat of it's own drum. Our whole lives revolve around time--minutes, weeks, years, months, and often we wake up and realize that years have gone by, and we don't feel alive.

It's amazing to think of the ability to be outside of time, so that we cannot age, cannot grow old, live eternally. The fountain of youth is a much desired and yearned for myth, for eternity is safer to some people than death.

But if you live your life fully, with honesty, always attempting to do your best, you will come to the end of your life and not be afraid to leave it, but rather, excited to move on to the next venture.

Behold! We are not bound forever to the circles of this life, and beyond them are more than memories.
-Aragorn to Arwyn

A Great Deal Of Things

It's been an interesting couple of days, and I'd like to write a bit about some things I learned/had time to mull over in my mind, so please bear with me as I skip from topic to topic.

On Friday night I went to a seminar at Victory International Church. Needless to say, it is not my home church, but I was interested to see how things are run there. Every consistent church-goer knows that each and every church is run in different manners from each other, so I was intrigued to see what the talk on this church was about.

First, the church itself, which is held inside a building that almost looks like a factory/shipping & receiving area, is very aesthetically pleasing. The bathroom are swanky, with each stall having complete privacy (doors with handles!), and a full-length mirror hanging on the wall. There is a dessert cafe the is run prior and following each service, the sanctuary itself is of modern decor, with a waterfall behind the pulpit. The church which is featured Sunday mornings on CTS has excellent A/V (as would be expected). The people there are extremely friendly, and many came up to me, greeted me, asked me my name and what church I normally attend. The worship was "oldies", music from before my time, that is nonetheless still praise.

So the reason I was at Victory on Friday night was because there was a children's seminar being hosted by Becky Fischer who established and runs a children's ministry in the States. This is her ministry she currently operates.

The name of her seminar on Friday night was "Kids Are Hungry For The Supernatural". It focused mainly on the phenomenon of "indigo children". Indigo children are defined as the generation born after 1970 that "represent a higher state of evolution". (For more information, go here.) At any, Fischer proceeded to elaborate on the function and state of these indigo children, who are reportedly marked by a "blue aura". She then proceeded to state the colour blue in Bible terms represents "revelation", thus believing that these children with the blue aura will reveal many things to the existing church. Prophecies made by several Assemblies of God/Word of Faith pastors/ministers have stated that these children, this generation will profoundly impact the coming years, the end age. The children will be gifted with healing, prophecy, tongues, interpretations, dreams, dream interpretation, casting out demons, and many other gifts of the Spirit. (You can read her entire article on indigo children here.)

Frankly, I found many aspects of the lecture alarming. Where do I start?

Yes, I do believe that the children of this generation, specifically the ones attending churches, should be held to higher standards, and should be fed theologically, emotionally, and mentally. Every aspect of a church service needs to be taught to children, but at a different ratio.
Let me elaborate:
Obviously adults will be able to spend more time listening to an in-depth theological discussion or sermon than children, mainly because of a far more extensive attention capacity. For that matter, adults are able to sit still longer, and participate in worship at greater periods of time, without getting bored.
So our children need to be taught with curriculum that is age-appropriate, and that can reach them where they are. True, many Bible stories can become watered down and boring with constant re-telling, but that is the joy of being a CE worker...finding a new way to teach the children old truths.

The fact is: children do not have the same mentality that adults do. This is not discrediting them. They are far more open spiritually and sensitive to things around them because they have not become hardened with age, nor exposed to things of the world. However, they cannot make informed decisions like adults, and do not possess the same leadership qualities. There is an extremely fine line to walk when it comes to the discussion of the Holy Spirit filling children, and how it is acted out in their lives.
Let's put it this way - nowhere in the Bible does it say that children were filled with the Holy Spirit and laying hands on people, healed them.

Yes, the Bible calls us to be trained as warriors, to be prepared for the coming days, to suit up in faith, hope, and righteousness. However, children won't face the same battles as adults, and thus, why should we push them to prepare in the exact same manner? We need to remember there is a great distinction between adults and children.

I like the idea of leading children to become warriors of the faith, teaching them by example, and pointing them in the direction of godliness. Yes, children need to be taught to recognize God's voice, but the question remains...what are we teaching children in Sunday School? Are we teaching them that they have power beyond imagination through the Holy Spirit, and that they may use it as they choose to? Are we teaching them trite Bible stories that have been heard before? Or are we teaching theologically sound Biblical truths, and prophecies that have been tested and tried by Scripture itself?

The fact remains...as many adults seem to lack discernment in the church today, they will pass on that attitude to their children, and it will go from generation to generation. Slapping God's name onto "spirituality" does not consist of Christianity. Speaking in tongues is not the sole purpose of Christianity, and saying that someone is "spiritual, discerning, sensitive" does not equate godliness.

This is a time, an era, where people are more open to spiritual things than ever before. Our society encourages humanism, a spiritualistic approach to things, new age, and general feel-good movement. The "do whatever makes you happy" mindset has damaged the church because of the new seeker sensitive movement. You fellow Christian, need to stand fast in your theology that is founded on God's word alone.

Interested in this topic? Take time to read this article by t.v. evangelist Creflo Dollar. Ask yourself - are the Scriptures quoted here used in context? Do they properly support the teaching put forward?

In conclusion.
Victory International Church holds great potential to strongly impact the surrounding community. I only worry that they take what is taught them without examining it, for erroneous teachings can appear oh-so-right many a time. It's a dangerous ground to enter...My words of advice? Measure EVERYTHING against the Scripture.
The only other complaint I would make about VIC is the somewhat rowdy worship that took place toward the end. But that could just be my Baptist background and sensibilities screaming in protest.

[Marcia Is Saying] Freedom!

I find it rather tragic that we'll never completely understand how dark and desolate life was before the coming, death, and resurrection of Jesus.

Bound to fulfill the law, repeatedly unable to do so, sacrificing animals as an atonement for sin, and grace not demonstrated to it's full capacity in life. No hope for complete salvation...

How we take for granted the gift of grace, faith, love, and hope that has been so freely extended to us, and which we can grasp if only we should choose to do so.

Everyday we take advantage of the greatest sacrifice, everyday we live by grace, believing with all faith that God has forgiven us, loving only because He first loved us, and being filled with a hope for a future.

As you pass through this Easter weekend, take time to reflect on your life now, and what it used to be. And if you don't a difference, reflect on what your life could be.

Have a blessed Easter.

Spring* ala Winter*

We've been tricked. Duped, lied to, and cheated on.
The promise of spring is fleeting and vain. Although we have been waiting with bated breaths for that glorious day in March when winter is over, it would appear that although it technically has arrived, physically it is as cold as a November night.

Perhaps it's just the notion of spring that has raised our hopes.
Spring means new life, a promise of a future, hope for good times ahead, and a respite from the cold blasts of snow, sleet, ice, and rain we have all been shivering through.


*

So here I am, driving in this car, doing my makeup and hair, moving from here to there independently, working constantly, barely finding time to meet up with people let alone have moments of quiet for myself, and I find that I barely know who I am anymore.

It feels as though I may have lost myself in this grand cause otherwise known as life.

And yet, in the still small moments, when you pause to hear a cardinal outside, notice the budding on the branches, and deeply inhale the scent of coming change, you start to feel yourself. You remember that who you are and what you believe in can never be taken away from you without your consent.


*

Hang onto this:

That you were made this way for a purpose, and that one day you will believe that with all your heart. A completeness and sense of assurance will fill you, and you'll know without a doubt that you've been given to this world, to your family, to the people who love you, for a very good reason.

When you find nights long and lonely, or feel as though depression may be crushing you with it's blackness and dark secrets, hang onto this:

That you are made in God's image, and there is nothing greater in the world than that. You were chosen, you were created from Intelligent Design, you were an intent in the heart of the Greatest Creator of all. Rest assured that God does not walk with us, only to leave us in the hard times.

Walking Sleep.

That what it feels like I've been doing as of late.

I've been getting enough sleep for the past two days...at least ten straight hours, but I think my body is trying to catch up on the lack of sleep I've had over the whole past week.

And although I do not find my job physically tiring, I do find that my mind is tired, my eyes are scratchy and burn, and having to just go in is becoming a wearisome thing.

It's not that I dislike the job already. It's just that eleven days straight is definitely overkill. I can see the reasoning behind why God made the weekend. We all need those two days to rest and recuperate from the week of work.

Needless to say, I'm looking forward to Friday with joy and expectancy. A day off. A day where I will not have to get into scrubs, do makeup and hair, and go out. Although I think I'll have to go out anyway.

Here's the thing...
When I'm at work, I start to feel tired and am sure that I will fall asleep the moment I return home.
But always without fail, the moment I step through the door and take off my work clothes, I start to feel a tad more energetic, and end up staying awake until the wee hours of the morning, all the while berating myself and thinking 'I'm going to be tired again tomorrow'...
What a vicious cycle.
Okay, it's rather humourous.

I received my weekly email from Walk In the Word, and wow, what a great message, that I definitely need to learn from. You can view it here. Anyway, I realize that I do need to make this my prayer--
Lord, I know You are at work in my life and circumstances…even when I don’t see Your hand. I know You are working all things together for good. Help me fix my heart on You no matter how long I must wait to see a bigger picture. I believe You will bring all things around for Your glory.

Because I consistently try to make sense of things that are happening, I try to struggle my way through problems, I try to make my way through circumstances that are suffocating...when I need to stop attempting with my own might, and need to start relying on God to have His way through all these things.

That is all.

About Life.

In general.

There's so much stuff about it that is so confusing, and it seems that it may never resolve itself.

It would appear that violins and cellos almost always sound mournful, and grieve in their beauty.

Also, Valentine's Day for the single may be the most difficult holiday to celebrate alone. Mainly because society throws these ideas at us, that say being single during this time means there's something wrong with you, something that needs to be remedied.

And most importantly, there are people, there are situations that need remedying, which are far more important than any chocolate-covered holiday, but we lose sight of that, lose our perspective, are ultimately lost in ourselves, when we worry and obsess over things we feel we should have that we don't, people we feel we should be when we aren't.

It's actually ridiculous that we weight so much of ourselves around standards that other people have created, standards that are completely inaccurate and that can break us because we feel we will never reach them.

A young girl will start out her life feeling that she'll never be good-looking enough, because she can't meet the standards that are required from so many young girls at this time.

A young boy will believe that he is under-average, that he isn't a real man, when he sees pictures and forms a concept on what a real man looks like,

It's a general waste of time and energy trying to be someone that you aren't, trying to evolve into a fictional idea of what people should be like.

I realize of course, that I have completely rambled my way through this entire post.

In Search Of

This.

Here is one thing I know we search for.
Our lives.

We keep dreaming and hoping and believing that we'll find out who we are before we die.
But as time seems to speed by, and we grow older, the search becomes more panicked, more frenetic, more hasty.

We are driven to look, to seek, to desire something more. We may not be sure what it is we are looking, but don't be fooled, that doesn't stop us from constantly seeking, not knowing peace.

It is until we lay down the search, until we submit to the inevitable, until we stop trying and start believing, until we start believing, we will unsatisfied, unsure of who we are, and consistently trying to make out of ourselves, even though we may be enough.

Truer words were never spoken...

All of You is more than enough for all of me
For every thirst and every need
You satisfy me with Your love
And all I have in You is more than enough.

A Pastor.

Obviously, I'm not going to name names, or say who, which one, or what church, but oh...my...goodness...
Does the man have a fear of silence?
He stated while he was conducting communion - "Close your hands and just be silent and thank God".
He then continued to expound on what we should thank God for. While certainly not a wrong thing, didn't he just ask us to be silent? Can't he be silent along with us? Does he really have to be so controlling, that he cannot be still and let God lead?
I am more and more convinced that he needs to step back. He needs to be less controlling of the services. I am of course not suggesting that chaos ensure with people rolling on the ground or interruptions occurring. I do think though, that the Spirit can be stifled, and that may very well be what is happening.
And in other news...
It's officially New Year's Eve (one hour in anyway) and I'm still thinking about all I have done and not done in this here 2007.