Tuesday, 19 July 2011

running and thoughts

Ok, I somehow found the energy to go for a run tonight, despite the fact that it's something like 32 degrees Celsius outside, plus the notorious Hamilton humidity that blankets this city.  (It's supposed to get even warmer by Thursday this week.  Dear God, please magically install my window A/C unit.)  Anyway, Licorice and I ran for almost an hour.  Honestly, at one point I thought I was going to pass out.  I got this huge stitch in my side and starting having problems inhaling deeply.  Such is life in a smoggy and humid city. 

Now I'm sitting at home enjoying this:

I may (or may not) have stolen that glass from a Montana's.

Yesterday Licorice and I enjoyed the sweet summer night at the dog park:

Driving up a street towards the sunset:

And the final precious moments before dark, when all is still:

Wow, I went off on a huge tangent there.  Back to the beginning!
I was running with Licorice and as we were panting down a deserted back street this song by The Killers came on:

Who doesn't kinda love The Killers?
But the thing that caught my attention were the lyrics:

You sit there in your heartache 
 Waiting on some beautiful boy to   
To save you from your old ways 
You play forgiveness  
Watch it now  
Here he comes  
He doesn't look a thing like Jesus 
But he talks like a gentleman 
Like you imagined 
When you were young

I've heard the song many times, but each and every time it resonates within me and probably within thousands of people like me...people who grew up going to church, were taught that there was only one acceptable way of life, who were told that their life destination was to meet someone, have kids, be a great mother and wife and eventually grandmother until the circle of life was complete.

Why did I believe that?  Probably because I was brought up so strongly in that faith and belief system and I don't believe it's completely wrong.  There is joy in being a helpmate to someone, to having children and watching them grow up.  These are all natural qualities of being a human, but somehow so many of us Christians become so caught up in the "finding Mr. Right", that when he does come along, he's also expected to be Mr. Perfect because the anticipation has caused such a build up of unrealistic expectations.

It's a lesson I'm learning every day...attempting to combat what has been taught me since childhood...that the person I'm with should be the most important thing that will happen to me in my life.  How easy it can become to abandon one's personal interests in order to accommodate a partner into one's life.

The conclusion I arrive at (and I end up here every time) is that A) no one is perfect and the sooner we quit expecting someone to be, the happier and more accepting we will be and B) I need to continue being Marcia and not just consider myself as part of two now.  There still needs to be Marcia who is just herself.

Find a way to develop yourself.   I'm going to as well.

P.S.  As a final note...The best thing about being in a relationship is the fact that you have someone to talk to at any point in time.  I mean, I’m sure sometimes our minds wander while the other person is talking, but for the most part it’s fairly awesome to be able to rest beside someone and be completely at ease and content.  Peace.

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