Wednesday, 7 September 2011

learning, learning

I realized I struggle with the guideline of what is considered "normal" or permissible in relation to the physical contact my significant other may have with other ladies.

The inherent belief that it isn't normal or right to physically embrace one of the other opposite sex is perhaps so deeply ingrained in me due to my parent's belief system.  I very rarely saw my father embrace another woman, choosing to maintain his distance physically from them in order to avoid any possible snafu's that may have ensued. 

There was one lady who attended my parent's church and she was such a wonderful and strong personality;  she had zero qualms about grabbing men and hugging them in a strictly platonic manner, and usually in front of her spouse.  It never appeared to bother him although my dad was initially uncomfortable with the encircling, most likely because my parents have always been so strict with physical boundaries.  (Eventually he grew used to it and would chuckle would talking about R.  She was that amusing and joyous in personality, no one could remain disgruntled by her expressions of friendly love via physical touch.)

One incident occurred that reminded me of how strict my parents have been.  My younger brother (J.) was standing with his now ex-girlfriend V. on the driveway and they had their arms wrapped around each other in a long and hard bear hug.  It was in front of our entire family, nothing they were ashamed about, my parents were appalled and said that there was too much physical closeness in their relationship.  I guess for them, everything leads to sex, so avoiding physical intimacy before marriage is exceedingly important.

Back to the first paragraph of me struggling with accepting how my Person displays his affection or receives it from other ladies...
He was meeting someone to discuss tattoo designs and she walked up to him and they hugged each other, the moment lasting for about three seconds in total.  I wasn't jealous or angry or annoyed, just perplexed that someone else, another girl would be hugging my boyfriend in front of me.  It disagrees with every thing that I have been taught from childhood.

I guess in a weird way, I'm learning to be less possessive of him, although I wonder sometimes if that's a positive thing?  Is there anything wrong with some healthy possessiveness that doesn't present itself as full blown jealousy but simply the desire to have one's partner just to oneself?

Relationships bring up the strangest and deepest issues in oneself.   It's bizarre how all of my reasoning, motivations and learned behaviour affects my relationship or how I behave in it.  I've figured that I have to learn to be okay with him hugging whomever he wants and trust that he would never be unfaithful to me. (I'm not saying that hugging = infidelity for the record.)

Learning, learning, always learnings.  There's a reason, there's a reason.

Much love.

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