We have had many difficulties and troubles faced. The thing that I am most grateful for is that I am not alone. I have Matt and a heavenly Father to broach this issues with.
Starting with last week. We applied for apartment that we were completely in love with and so sure we would get because of our speed in applying. Somehow the lines of communication were crossed between us and the woman who handled our application. Needless to say, she sent in the application late and another couple managed to get the apartment before us.
To say I was crushed by the situation is an understatement. I have been looking for apartments for the past two to three months. I've seen horrible, decent and wonderful apartments. I've gone out of my way to drive places and look at houses; it has been an ordeal. When I found out we didn't get the apartment we really wanted, I totally broke down.
I was crying and was going mainly through my head was: "Why didn't we get this place? We PRAYED about it! We prayed and asked God to guide us to the right apartment so why didn't we get this place??"
The answer of course is that the apartment was not the one meant for us. A rational side of me knew that, but I was so overwhelmed with emotion and frustration, so tired of looking and looking.
On the same day I found out about the apartment, I had a bank appointment. I won't get into boring details, but I've basically been seeking to sort out my financial situation. Unfortunately, the personal banker that I spoke with was extremely unhelpful and seemed unable to assist me in any way. Her words she kept repeating were: "Build up your net worth", something I already could have told anyone. Obviously saving is always key.
But on the topic of saving, we haven't been able to do it with one unexpected expense after another. We've never gone hungry, but it's been a tough battle.
Continuing on the same day: I had told the pastor of our church weeks before that I would provide a dish for their family that evening because their son had invasive and important surgery that day. I thought it would ease the load a bit for them. When I went home from the bank, discouraged and let down, I went through all the cupboards attempting to find the ingredients for the dish I was supposed to make.
Mac n' cheese had been the original plan but I ended up making a cheesy tuna casserole because I didn't have any money to spend on ingredients for mac n' cheese. I used up most of our tuna and pasta and cheese. I finished making the dish and we brought it over to their family later in the evening.
I was working a twelve hour shift the next day and had literally NO money to spend. We had barely any food left and definitely nothing we could both take to work. After we got home from delivering the meal, we sat there and looked at each other. I cried again and said, "What are we going to do about food?"
(I'm sure we could have created some sort of eclectic dish like peanut butter pasta or something equally gross. Either way, I felt so defeated, I couldn't be interested in making a dish of anything.)
Matt and I talked for a long time. Too long in fact and he ended up leaving the apartment later than usual for Licorice's night walk. When he got home I was already in bed starting to fall asleep. He leaned over me and said, "I found $20 on the side walk while I was walking Licorice!" He split the money in half and we both had $10 to spend on food the next day. More than enough.
The week continued on in a crappy manner. I found out my boss for some absurd reason is hiring another part time clerk which means I could lose a substantial amount of money. When I called my Mom last night, I said to her, "I can't worry or freak out about this. I have to trust and believe that God has everything under control and there is a plan for me. I don't know what it is right now, but I have to believe that!"
After all, it was divine timing that led Matt to leave the apartment late for Licorice's night time walk. It was divine guidance that led him up that specific street. Everything worked out perfectly.
To others finding $20 may not seem like a big deal, but to me it was confirmation, a message from God saying, "Don't worry. I got this. You can be at rest and trust Me."
I don't know where you are in your life right now. I don't know what worries or burdens you may be carrying. I can assure that our financial struggle is far from over and we are looking at a VERY tight February. However, I can tell you that God does provide. The choice is ours: whether to trust that He has it all under control or to attempt to fix everything without seeking His help.
So be encouraged. God is on your side and He is fighting the battle for you, providing for you and loving you.
An end note: We got another apartment in the same building. We found out yesterday and have been happy with this choice. It is closer to the laundry and easier for Licorice to access.
"Every good and perfect gift is from above, and come down from the Father of Lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow of turning." -James 1:17
"Are not two sparrows sold for a copper coin? And not one of them falls to the ground apart from your Father’s will. But the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Do not fear therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows." -Matt. 10:29-31