Tuesday, 8 April 2008

++ As Promised ++

My current favourite song... Be Mine by David Gray.
Watch it, listen to it, and love it.

Today I smelled the wondrous smell of thawing.
I was driving my car with the windows rolled down, breeze flowing through the car, and these faint odor came in to the car, a smell of thawing and new soil, of spring and new life. It was very exciting moment. I love spring.

I love textures and colours...how you can see a millions thing, and touch the softness of clothes, hair, the cool steel, and warm coffee cup. You can taste so much delicious and comforting stuff, but can't really define what taste is. And that is amazing.

It's odd how you don't miss people when they're around all the time, but the minute they leave, or are unattainable, you want them, need them, miss them so much, that you feel hollow and empty without them.

She lifts her skirt up to her knees, walks through the garden rows
With her bare feet, laughing
I never learned to count my blessings,
I choose instead to dwell in my disaster.
I walk on down the hill, through grass grown tall and brown
And still it's hard somehow to let go of my pain...
Will it always feel this way?
So empty, so estranged?...[Empty/Ray Lamontagne]

So I find myself listening to this music, contemplating the meaning of life, and wondering if I have a future. It then turns to thoughts of that my future may hold. What people will I meet, who will I become close to, when will things change?

I've already learned to some extent, to be calmer and more easy-going, accepting simply what life has to give. And yet, at times, my mind seems to run away with me, and I worry that I'll wake up and find my life has disappeared in time, with scattered remnants of history barely leaving a mark on the people around me.

On a side note, I believe I may be honing my social skills again, which is good news for the poor people who have to live with me. I've felt so distance and far from people around me, and now I'm attempting to make the effort to be friendlier and more open. I recall a woman telling me once that it costs us nothing to smile at people and be kind, and so I'm attempting to emulate her wise words, and make an effort to show people that I care, even if sometimes I don't.

There's something touching about a child reaching for his mother with his arms outstretched, and you know he has complete trust and faith in her, that she will hold him, care for him, feed and nurture him, and love him. The look on the mother's face as she clasps him into her arms and tenderly kisses his face speaks volumes of true love. She would die for her child, and you can see that plainly in her manner.

Love is a funny thing.
Sometimes I believe we hate it and ridicule it because we fear we will never experience fully, but the truth is- real, pure love stops us in our tracks and speaks to our souls. We stand in awe of the power of love, how it affects others around us, ebbing like the tide and touching the lives of people we come into contact with.

Here's to love, life, and hope.

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