++ As Promised ++

My current favourite song... Be Mine by David Gray.
Watch it, listen to it, and love it.


Today I smelled the wondrous smell of thawing.
I was driving my car with the windows rolled down, breeze flowing through the car, and these faint odor came in to the car, a smell of thawing and new soil, of spring and new life. It was very exciting moment. I love spring.


I love textures and colours...how you can see a millions thing, and touch the softness of clothes, hair, the cool steel, and warm coffee cup. You can taste so much delicious and comforting stuff, but can't really define what taste is. And that is amazing.


It's odd how you don't miss people when they're around all the time, but the minute they leave, or are unattainable, you want them, need them, miss them so much, that you feel hollow and empty without them.



She lifts her skirt up to her knees, walks through the garden rows
With her bare feet, laughing
I never learned to count my blessings,
I choose instead to dwell in my disaster.
I walk on down the hill, through grass grown tall and brown
And still it's hard somehow to let go of my pain...
Will it always feel this way?
So empty, so estranged?...[Empty/Ray Lamontagne]



So I find myself listening to this music, contemplating the meaning of life, and wondering if I have a future. It then turns to thoughts of that my future may hold. What people will I meet, who will I become close to, when will things change?

I've already learned to some extent, to be calmer and more easy-going, accepting simply what life has to give. And yet, at times, my mind seems to run away with me, and I worry that I'll wake up and find my life has disappeared in time, with scattered remnants of history barely leaving a mark on the people around me.


On a side note, I believe I may be honing my social skills again, which is good news for the poor people who have to live with me. I've felt so distance and far from people around me, and now I'm attempting to make the effort to be friendlier and more open. I recall a woman telling me once that it costs us nothing to smile at people and be kind, and so I'm attempting to emulate her wise words, and make an effort to show people that I care, even if sometimes I don't.


There's something touching about a child reaching for his mother with his arms outstretched, and you know he has complete trust and faith in her, that she will hold him, care for him, feed and nurture him, and love him. The look on the mother's face as she clasps him into her arms and tenderly kisses his face speaks volumes of true love. She would die for her child, and you can see that plainly in her manner.

Love is a funny thing.
Sometimes I believe we hate it and ridicule it because we fear we will never experience fully, but the truth is- real, pure love stops us in our tracks and speaks to our souls. We stand in awe of the power of love, how it affects others around us, ebbing like the tide and touching the lives of people we come into contact with.


Here's to love, life, and hope.

((Randomness))

Okay, so this is what I do.

I hear a song that completely appeals to me in every fashion: emotionally and musically mainly. It makes me sense happy and relaxes my mind while at the same time induces me to contemplative thinking.

Then, I take that song and I beat it to death, by listening to it over and over, and playing it on the piano, and just immersing myself in it.

In a couple weeks I pretty much am done with the song.

I wonder, if I restrained myself, and only listened to it once a day, would our relationship last longer? And I believe the answer is Yes, Yes it would.

I need to start restraining myself.

-)(-

I thought today that I need to stop caring so much about what other people think about me, and instead focus on the more important things in life, such as cleaning my room, exercising, working, and honing my skills (or lack thereof). For example, I used to be so active socially, always with people, working on relationships, and now I feel as though I have distanced myself from others, satisfying myself socially through internet friends.

Don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with internet friends, but they aren't there for you in the way "real" friends can be. They can't physically pat you on the back, and usually you only show them a side of you that you want them to see. You aren't completely honest with them, because you might not like certain things about you. Or you know that your general demeanor annoys people, so you moderate yourself to be more pleasing. Basically, it's much easier to hide behind emoticons and text.


-)(-

David Gray is just amazing.

I'll update on that thought later.

David Gray, Two Hours of Sleep, Thinking About It All

Two hours of sleep is a tease.
It's not enough to satisfy the body's craving and need for sleep, but it's just enough to make you feel sleepier, and to make you all the more aware that you are missing out on something quite vital.
It would almost easier to simply not sleep at all, stay awake and ride the adrenaline your body creates to get through the next day.

*

And thinking about life, it's becoming clearer and clearer to me that walking alone down deserted streets in the middle of the night might be the best thing ever.
You feel alone in the vast, teeming city around you.
You could touch a person walking by, you could talk to anyone if you really felt the need, but you don't.
You just enjoy the quietness of your steps on the pavement, your own breathing, the sound of cars passing, and the laughter of people passing by.
You envy the people in groups who seem to be having a good go at things, but at the same time, you embrace the loneliness and isolation, feeling safer, strong, impenetrable.
Walking alone down a street in the city at night might be the best thing ever.

*

I've just gotten back into David Gray again, and I've been finding his music so poignant and touching. I guess it's one of those things that you can't explain, but you can only feel with your heart. And this is what I feel... Every time I hear this song This Years Love, I can't prevent tears from welling up and trickling down. Which is awkward, especially on the bus.

But I was laying awake in bed at 3:30 this morning, listening to the song on my iPod, and slowly the tears started up again. I can't say there's anything particularly special about the song per se, but as I said before, it's one of those things you can't explain.

Here are [some] of the lyrics-

This Years Love

This years love had better last
Heaven knows it's high time
And I've been waiting on my own too long
But when you hold me like you do
It feels so right
I start to forget
How my heart gets torn
When that hurt gets thrown
Feeling like you can't go on

Turning circles when time again
It cuts like a knife oh yeah
If you love me got to know for sure
Cos it takes something more this time
Than sweet sweet lies
Before I open up my arms and fall
Losing all control
Every dream inside my soul
And when you kiss me
On that midnight street
Sweep me off my feet
Singing ain't this life so sweet

This years love had better last
This years love had better last

So whose to worry
If our hearts get torn
When that hurt gets thrown
Don't you know this life goes on
And won't you kiss me
On that midnight street
Sweep me off my feet
Singing ain't this life so sweet

This years love had better last
This years love had better last
This years love had better last
This years love had better last

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